C3PO Caught in Intergalactic Sexting Scandal

Beloved robot-slave, C3PO, was caught sending lude text messages to an unknown recipient. C3PO has released the following statement:

"After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional human-cyborg relations. I need to focus my attention on being a better domestic worker, human companion, and life partner to R2D2."

HEY! Old man Scahill-move it!

Every once in a while I like to hit the street scene and paint the town red with savings. But apparently this is how others see me:




Cause last night at ACME some young woman needed to get bye me and said, "Excuse me sir."

Sir? SIR? Is my hair line that far gone? Have I lost my youthful exuberance? Should I contact the AARP and cash in my social security now?

Just when I had convinced myself to throw in the towel on my youth and strap on some Depends, another young woman needed to get bye and said "Excuse me honey." That's right, I'm not a "sir", I'm a "honey." It made me feel better. It made me feel so good I went home early to get some sleep.

T.R.'s Christmas Wish List: Item #1

1. A puppy. Not just any puppy - this one!



I have to admit, originally I wasn't really impressed with Gaylord's "Tricks" but after watching this commercial several times, all of the (not-so) thinly veiled homoerotic innuendo (I stopped counting after 7) had me sold...

"Gaylord comes with a bone of his own!"

Palinator 2: Judgement Day

In recent news, scientists discovered that Alaskan rogue-renegade Sarah Palin is actually a cyborg assasin sent from the future to quell any existence of an intellectual humanoid-revolution. Her mission is to find and destroy John Connor and his extremely masculine mother. When asked about the situation, California Governor Arnold Schwarzeneggar released the following statement:

"To quote my good friend Danny Glover, "I'm too old for this shit""

Subsequently when asked to comment, actor Christian Bale flipped out and threw what experts have called a "child-like temper tantrum."

Reading: Possibly No Longer "Just for chumps".

Hey it’s John and I’ve got exciting news! Reading may no longer be just for jerks and losers!! That’s right! I’ve recently discovered three books that make it actually worthwhile to go to the effort of reading for one’s entertainment. It’s still too soon to get a definitive answer, but reading could potentially be as worthy an activity as water balloon fights, or even building a fort out of couch cushions! Let’s examine these three maverick books with the guts to defy logic, and be entertaining:

• First on our list is Badass: I’ve just finished reading this book, so I know first hand how not-lame it is. It details the lives of the 40 most badass people in history. Some entries include Alexander the Great, Vlad the Impaler, Nicolai Tesla, and George S. Patton. The real strength of this book is that it isn’t afraid to use plain English in its descriptions, using such terms as “Face explodingly awesome”, or referring to “Crotch stomping brilliance”. Definitely worth a read, especially for fans of history or violence.

• Next up is George Carlin’s Last Words: Let’s face it; anything that comes out of Carlin’s brain is worthwhile. I read his other books without hesitation and loved them. You should love them too. If you don’t that’s ok, you’re just wrong is all. Anyway, it’s nice to at least have this one last serving of George to go out on.

• Lastly, we have Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Finally, a way to make Jane Austen (whoever that is) tolerable. While closely following the original story about uptight people at prissy dances, this book interrupts the lack of action with zombie attacks, and kung-fu skills. While I haven’t read it yet, it seems like the best bet for me to make it through a story about Victorian high society.

You’ll notice that these books have a distinct lack of teen vampires and boy wizards, and that’s just how I like it. With the advent of these three books, the prospect of reading is looking less ridiculous every day!! Enjoy.

Don't forget to read post about Holiday Shows below this one.

Whoever says they hate Jimmy Fallon, or can't believe he is hosting Late Night, hasn't seen the video below


Spot on Neil Young impression!

GCI's Special Holiday Shows

While you wait with baited breath for the GCI New Year's Eve Show, you can still get your improv fix at our December Holiday Special on the 18 and 19. View more details on our Facebook Fan page, and sign up with Facebook to receive a special discount on tickets to New Year's Eve. Huzzah!

GCI Holiday Shows on Facebook

WORLD OF BOOM

Today's World of Boom is brought to you by the letter GIANT ROBOT, by the number KABOOM, and the color EXPLODATHON. Enjoy:

Ted's Futuristic Letter Home This Thanksgiving... From the Future.

NOVEMBER 24 YEAR 5 AED

Dear Mouth-Feeders,

I shall not return to our family moonstead this november for Thanksgiving, I am too caught up in the homo sapien revolution. The robotic army has grown strong, and we are running out of fuel for our jet boots. Even his holyness, Will Smith, is losing hope. I fear the worst.

I hope to return home for the new world holidays, to celebrate the mass-moon-migration of the humanitarian radicals in 2011. I have received word from the old world that Sarah Palin-Christ has been officially elected King of Planet America.

I must go, the robots are coming, long live the homo uprising!

-Cpt. Theodore Human
M.S.S. Galileo

Ps. Send more moon cookies.

Ninja Assassin

A lot of buzz has been going around the GCI Headquarters about the new movie Ninja Assassin. I had not really heard about the film so I asked the boys who was in it. Their response: "No one famous". After researching the film on-line, I cannot believe they told me no one. NO ONE? RAIN- KOREAN POP SUPER STAR IS NOT NO ONE!!!!!

Watch these clips and educate yourself about the world famous entertainer Rain.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen vs. Rain
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

T.R.'s Puritanical Letter Home this Thanksgiving

Dearest Sisters,

Such delight to hear pleasing word from the homestead! It is a comforting thought indeed to know that much of the family will be gathered in celebration to mark this great day - Christ be praised! Alas, the journey home is a long one and I am needed here in the upstate settlement. The harvest has not been as bountiful as in years past, and there is a talk among the settlers that the coming winter months will be harsh and unforgiving. This strange flu has swept mercilessly across these western territories and our own Captain Williamson has been stricken. Williamson is a wise and fair leader, but in the clutches of this Suinaen plague, many of us fear that he dances on the brink of madness - the villagers need my reassuring presence in these trying times.

We all celebrate this day of thanks differently; although my earthly body will remain here in the settlement, my mind and thoughts shall be of Mother's pumpkin pie, Father's recounting of the fall hunt and the shining joy in young Constance's bright blue eyes as the feast is unveiled. Where'er that feast is prepared, so to shall go my heart.

Your loving brother,

Thaddeus Obediah Ryan

P.S. If the heavenly father so wills it, I am hopeful to make the long journey Eastward for the Christian Winter Holidays. Vouchsafe my love to the family - especially the young ones, oh my how I am sure they have grown!

"Oh my Holy Crap"

We here at GCI are waiting with bated breath for the release of this cinematic masterpiece...

The Weather Report from Ted

Why does it rain? Must the clouds extemporaneously void their bowels on us? Seemingly without concern they defecate on our innocently exposed heads. I don't pee out of airplane windows or shit upwards... I would ask, of the clouds, the same courtesy.

Or is it Mother Nature crying? Who has hurt her? Is it so terrible that she must cry on everyone's shoulder? She seems to get violently emotional on a regular basis (not unlike a woman). I don't think I would date her, I have enough problems of my own. Perhaps that is why she cries. Sorry Mother Nature, it's not you, it's me, I'm just... not looking for anything too serious right now.

Oh rain, you illusive minx.

"They Just Tazed The Hulk!"

October, 31st 2009. Rochester, NY.

As we get older, and more mature, it becomes readily apparent that the time for trick-or-treating quickly disappears, like a 'slutty' ladybug's dignity after a few shots of tequila. Nobody wants to be the only one with a real beard in a group of pre-pubescent trick-or-treaters dressed as Al Boreland from Home Improvement. So, what is to replace this remarkable childhood pass time... well, how about some good, ol' fashioned intoxication? Halloween style.

Nothing compares to dressing up like your favorite superhero and getting super "messed" up, or if you're a girl, wearing your underwear and animal ears. And feel free to throw maturity and inhibition completely to the birds. If you dress like Batman and don't talk in a deep raspy voice all night, then you are a failure. If a nice older couple would have thought twice about giving you candy at their door, then you just haven't worked hard enough. If you chose to be Lady-Gaga, and you're wearing pants... unacceptable.

We must, however, bow down to those Halloweeners that go above and beyond, and really make this holiday a special one. This year there was an almost too-real Predator costume on A-street. Nick DiCola spotted this dedicated individual and attempted to shout his excited approval of the detailed costume, when the Predator menacingly turned it's head toward Nick and instantaneously vanished. Another Halloweener, disguised as a "sloppily drunk" criminal, took it upon himself to get into a confrontation with real cops. He stayed in character as a police officer hand-cuffed him and threw him in the back of a real squad car. Bravo, mr. commitment, bravo.

But the MVP award for the night goes to an epic occurrence that a few cast members of GCI, and their friend Betty Boop, had the privilege of witnessing on the way to a costume party. Check this out:

While waiting at a stop light, on the corner of Alexander and East a commotion burst out in front of Monte's Korner. People were running in all directions. All of a sudden the Incredible Hulk, in the midst of a fitful, alcohol-inspired rage, exploded from the crowd followed closely by a group of RPD officers in hot pursuit. Almost simultaneously upon the appearance of the enraged Hulk, he fell to the pavement motionless. An on-looker exclaimed, most appropriately, "HEY! They just tazed the Hulk!" To which the crowd responded with a loud, synchronized chant "HULK! HULK! HULK!" like an inspirational moment in a sports movie. Neither the cause, nor the resolution, of this situation is known. All we do know, is that even though Tanks, Helicopters, and the US Army are no match for the Incredible Hulk... get a few drinks in him, and the RPD can take him down with a taser.

No pictures or videos of this event were found, but watch this, it's funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSYlxzCHvKg

"Sometimes the Big Guys need two shots."

Anyway, we hope you all had a safe and eventful Halloween. Enjoy the leftover candy, and make sure to check out our Thanksgiving shows.

GCI Zombie Mania spreads Westward

Ironically, the following incident occurred just about an hour after GCI's Improv of the Living Dead show last night. Although I hesitate to imply that our performance inspired such an act (for legal reasons), I would like to officially state that the entire GCI cast was in no way, shape or form involved in the following (rock solid alibi available upon request) , nor do we condone such actions, but nonetheless would have fought our way through a horde of flesh-craving undead to witness the incident mentioned below first hand...

Associated Press

Man ordering food called a zombie, punched twice

Published - Oct 25 2009 12:37PM EDT

IOWA CITY, Iowa— Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.

A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.

The man then ran out a back door.

The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.


Link to AP Article

WORLD OF BOOM - Halloween Edition

For your seasonal viewing pleasure, watch as this big pumpkin gets blown apart. Geva Comedy Improv would like to remind you that trying this yourself is probably dangerous, and wasteful of delicious, terrifying pumpkin.

Found my Fall Jam

As I was cruising the streets of Webster on my way to work, I heard this song on the radio and my street cred instantly sky-rocketed. If I had to choose a personal soundtrack, a song everyone would hear in their own heads as I walked towards them in slow motion, well then this song would be it...barely beating out "Uptown Girls." Give a whirl on your ear drums, if you don't know its called "Forever."

Liam

NB: They do use some "cuss" words

Zombie's Attack... WWJD?

With the epic "Improv of the Living Dead" show fast approaching, I have been brushing up on my survival skills, hoping to increase my probability of long-term, post-disaster endurance. But how does one prepare for the unpredictable? Well, how about taking a facebook quiz.

In general, I try to steer clear of Facebook quizzes and apps, it helps me to deny my fixation and ultimate dependency on technology, but I had to know... HOW LONG WILL I SURVIVE? The quiz asks the obvious question of what would would one equip oneself with: which melee weapon, what would you throw, what pet would you deploy, et cetera, et cetera. So, I chose the obvious answers: Katana, frag grenades, and a bear. I was overjoyed when I got the result of two weeks... TWO WEEKS! I thought "yeah, that sounds reasonable, I can do that!" However, it was not long before self-doubt began to infect my positive thinking...

Questions flew through my mind: Where am I going to find frag grenades? How will I convince "Pongo," my pet bear, to defend me? Isn't Katana that chick from Mortal Kombat?! Two weeks is an awfully long time. Then I thought "hold on a second, do I even want to last two weeks?" Move over doubt, here comes depression and self-loathing. If everyone else is already a Zombie, wouldn't I rather just join the brain-eating party? What if I have to repopulate the world all by myself? Does Katana even want to have children? Isn't she like 10,000 years old? Who knows where she's been? Gross.

The only way I pulled out of this slump was by finding hope in a dream, one in which I was trapped in a house boat by the government, much like in Quarantine (see it, it will mess you up!), but instead of a zombie-like disease my fellow prisoners and I turned into vampires. The boat sank, and I swam, then flew to safety.

So, now I have returned to a state of detached curiosity, seeking solace in the survive-ability of others. Who else would be around after the frag grenades hit the fan? I find myself wondering about all kinds of people. How long would Genghis Khan have survived? Would Tango and Cash make it? Now, I am not a god-fearing man, and I've never seriously asked this question, but if zombies did attack... What Would Jesus Do? Am I right? I mean, I'm interested. Then I wonder WWOD? What Would Obama Do? Better yet, what would Dick Cheney do? He obviously wouldn't blink an eye, if he had to shoot a friend in the head.

Anyway, that's all for now, I wish you the best of luck in your own personal struggles with the question of survive-ability. Meanwhile, go see the new movie Zombieland AND check out our ZOMBIE SHOW on October 24th at 10:30pm.

Fondly yours,

Ted

Hugh Jackman is True American Hero.

So apparently Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman and Daniel "Bond" Craig are starring together in some sort of Broadway play about Chicago cops. It sounds pretty badass. What is not badass, but AWESOME and HILARIOUS, is the way Jackman handled a cell phone going off while they were performing said play. Check it out.

Don't judge us for stealing content from TMZ. We love this guy! And TMZ! Also, day-old pizza. True story: This one time Tim Ryan once survived for a week and a half on a discarded sheet pizza. You see he ordered a sheet pizza for a "movie night" but then only Paul Nellis showed up (because Paul has no life) and could only eat like two slices and a buffalo wing.

The JZ Technique

Attention: this post has nothing to do with rapping... different JZ.

Hey everybody, John here. So here's a common situation: You're out watchin' the game, havin' some buffalo wings.

Now, with you're wings you like some bleu cheese (This is America, we like some bleu cheese with our heart pills). Of course you eat the drumstick shaped wings first, they're easier to dip, easier to eat, and arguably taste better. So now your stuck with the wing part of the wings, and this is where the problem comes in. You've got a long, flat piece of wing, and a circular bleu chees cup!! What the hell!?! well, this is where the JZ technique comes into play. You may or may not have noticed that when you get your buffalo wings, they come with about 4 celery sticks. As it turns out, thes sticks are for more than angrily hurling to the ground. Think of these sticks as paint-brushes, to paint the delicious, cheese covered wings you crave. That's right! By using the celery as an applicator, you can put as much bleu chees on those chicken fore arms as you want.

Use this secret wisely, for until they make bleu cheese holders in the shape of a radius and ulna, it's the only way to get that sweet bleu-gold into your veins!!

The Coowist Effin' Kid Awawd

All children are 'considered' cute, all children are 'considered' equal (according to the declaration of independence... or whatever), and all children are 'considered' blank slates in regards to their impending, post-adolescent, level of coolness... but we all know that some young kids are just plain (way) better than others. Geva Comedy Improv would like to recognize those few children who rise above the social standards set forth by an unforeseen panel of diaper wearing judges (no, not the supreme court), and present them with "THE COOWIST EFFIN' KID AWAWD."

This years' awawd goes to the following young lady for her epic description of Star Wars Episode 5.



Sure she sat through the movie with a wet diaper... but so did Paul Nellis. Congratulations little ms. cool, and may the force be with you.

Chainsaw Maid

In honor of our forthcoming Halloween shows, here's a fantastically gory claymation. It has zombies. And a chainsaw. Sweet.

GCI-LARP

This past weekend, when our debut Season 7 shows were finished, GCI cast members Ted, John and Paul donned the garments of ages past and battled honorably in the Dagorhir battle games with the local Winterfell Chapter. Short on sleep, and inspired by... well, we're not sure what inspired them, but here are some picture from the battle.


Getting to know your fellow warriors is not as awkward as one might suspect.

John enlists with an army of the undead.

Ted is given a foam-padded spear and enlisted to fight alongside a Roman phalanx.

Cut off a woman's leg? Not a problem for John.

In a decidedly epic moment, Paul is SQUASHED INTO THE GROUND.

For more information on the Dagorhir battle games, visit www.winterfell-dagorhir.com

Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Bacon

As is apparent in Corinne's previous post, we here at GCI have an immense appreciation for all things culinary. Recently, the GCI editorial research department came across this clip from the TV show "Wifeswap" and brought it to my attention - thankfully, this travesty was caught on film for all the World to bear witness:



Stand tall little man Curtis - we here at GCI salute you, your culinary courage, and that adorable tiny blue suitcase which we can only assume is filled with bacon...

Chef Corinne endorses Grits!!!

Sometimes when I find a favorite food it's more or less all I eat until I get sick
of it.

The summer the movie Harriet the Spy came out all I ate was tomatoes, with american cheese, mayo on white bread because that was her favorite food. That summer I also only drank orange kool-aid.

The summer I was 19, I thought eating olives was classy but I hated them, so I ate them every day until I liked them and now I love them.

There was also a liver and onions with bacon phase and a hot turkey sandwich with french fries (gravy on the fries)phase.

The latest to hit my tummy is grits.

It began at James Browns place, my favorite breakfast spot where I always get my favorite: the dixie plate.
2 sausage links, 2 eggs (over easy), a biscuit, grits, and sausage gravy.

I began to make them at home and it's more or less all I've been eating for 2 weeks.

I like them with 2 poached eggs, chopped green onion, and cheddar cheese.
I've also made broccoli and cheese grits that were very good.
But nothing really beats James Brown's where I can put sausage and sausage gravy in my grits.

I hiiiiiighhhhhly recommend it. Make your own or hit up James Browns!! YUMMM!!!

Faunal Fury Forges Feud for House of TNT

"An Englishman's home is his castle." Though no Englishman resides in the house of Ted, Nick, and TR, (the dynamite triumvirate henceforth known as TNT) we regard our domicile as a king would his castle. Due to recent events, our apartment seems to have become a breeding ground of unwanted animal activity. No, not literally animals breeding, but strange occurrences and uncharacteristic boldness of local creatures.

The first event went down a few weeks ago. During the heat of late July and a solitary fit of ennui from our then house guest Laura, a batch of brownies found themselves freshly made and placed on the counter to await dreaded consumption. I was away that afternoon, but returned to a pan of shredded brownies in the sink and a chewed screen in the kitchen window. To my understanding, a big-ass squirrel had the nerve to chew a hole through our screen and romp around in our brownie pan! It was a huge corralling effort on behalf of our roommates but it ran out through the door in the end.

Eventually other creatures like ants started appearing around our kitchen sink, stealing crumbs. We noticed a hive of wasps above one of our windows. These little friends of ours like to hang out with us on our porch and fly into our packets of hot dogs yet to be grilled, and then into the grill itself.

A couple weeks later, Ted and TR returned from a clam bake in Rhode Island bringing with them all the leftovers, bags of cookies (chocolate chip and Heath) that TR's mother baked for us. The morning after theei return, I found a shredded plastic bag of the chocolate chip cookies in the sink and a trail of crumbs leading to the window where the hole that was there before now was double in size. TWO BATCHES OF FRESH BAKED GOODS HAVE BEEN DESTROYED. That squirrel dared to do it again. I saw him, the fat little tard on the fence looking into the kitchen, wondering when I would leave so it can chew its way in again and leave me a pellet of gratitude.

Damn squirrels.

The next day was another strange occurrence. I was leaving the apartment to go back to work when I saw, on our porch, two creatures parting ways. The larger one flew away across the street and the smaller one fell straight to the floor.





A hawk had killed and beheaded a pigeon on our front porch. The feathers from the incident were all over the floor, on our furniture and stuck to little niblets of bird offal hear and there. I, of course, had to go to work but I made sure I got proof of the carnage that happened on our porch. Ted was the first to return home to all of the mess.

Yes...our windows in the kitchen are now kept closed with now air passing through. Yes...we now have 3 ant hotels around our sink, our porch is equipped with wasp killer, and yes...we're hoping that the next hawk victim on our porch is a cute, fat, innocent little squirrel. But we will not live in fear of animals taking over our home.

We are ready for the next crazy occurrence, in fact we invite you animals, but just remember, if you mess with TNT, you get...exploded!

Things I'm Diggin

TV....GCI's own John Zaffino has been praising the tv show BURN NOTICE for quite some time now and recently I was able to see why. This is a kick-ass show, with an engaging plot, enough action, sex, and comedy, and very watchable actors. My wife and I got our hands on the first season and watched it all in one week. With all the crap tv that happens during the summer, I highly recommend you get your meat hooks on BURN NOTICE.

BOOKS....I'm sure many people have read "Angela's Ashes" by Frank McCourt, but let me tell you his younger brother Malachy also scribbled out a memoir called "A Monk Swimming" which is a fantastic read. Frank's book was great, but younger bro has more humor, funnier/wilder stories, and writes like no one else you have ever read. Plus he is Irish...enough said.

HANG-OUTS....I am one of those people who loves sittin back on a front porch and doin whatevs, so I've been basking in the funky glow on the front porch of GCI cast memebers Ted, Nick, and TR's apartment. It's the place to be for PBR, cigars, and grilled meats.

-LIAM

WORLD OF BOOM

This week's installment of World of Boom features the most deadly of all forms of combustion - the verbal explosion. Watch as this biker gets NAILED by a passing car and recovers with freakish, Wolverine-like swiftness to launch his linguistic counter-attack. Really? Not even a brief pause to check you still have all your fleshy bits? Nope, this dude is a-oh-kay, and is awarded the World of Boom Iron Pentacle of Fortitude.

Big GCI News! John got married this weekend!!

We all attended the grand gala and it was just as great as I thought it would be!
At dinner, our lovely friend Alyssa noticed that we all wore a different color of the rainbow!What group mind. No one wore the same color and together we represented something rare and beautiful. *tear* I love you guys.

Congratulations John!!!!

<3 Corinne

Working out pays off.

Did you know in the early morning MTV actually shows videos??? During an unusually motivated morning work out this came on my TV and I fell in love. It was like the Gods were rewarding me for getting my booty out of bed and to the gym. I love the imagery and the fly beats. Hope you do too. <3 Corinne

Kid Cudi - New Music - More Music Videos

The BBC on Zombies...

Posted on the Science section of the BBC website is the following article entitled: "Science Ponders 'zombie attack'"

In the article, Canadian researchers contemplated the possibility of a world-wide zombie attack, and asked the question: could humankind survive? The conclusion was a resounding "eh, maybe?"

As one reads further into the article it is possible to become even less confident in the potential survival of humankind. Apparently, Canadian researchers only considered "classic" zombies in their study... So, if our chances are slim for quelling a force of sloth-like, brain-less goons, it would seem that if the zombies moved any quicker then a slow walk we're screwed.

However, do not fear as there are several parts of this study that should just not be trusted. (1) First, the lead mathematician is a man named Robert Smith?. Don't trust this man, he has a question mark at the end of his name. (2) Second, the outcomes were created numerically... numerically?! People are NOT numbers! Come on, Robert Smith?. (3) Thirdly, Professor Neil Ferguson, one of the leaders in controlling swine flu in London, isn't worried. If he's not worried, I'm not worried. For all we know, swine flu might be the beginnings of a zombie pandemic.

The real question is where does human compassion come into play. According to the mathematical exercise in Canada; if Zombies attack, then you must kill them... IMMEDIATELY! But logic and numbers mean nothing when you're face to face with this...

Could you kill such a beautiful angel?! I sure couldn't. I wouldn't harm a hair on his perfectly sculpted physique, even if he was ripping my arm off. So, after doing my own study on the human condition, I conclude that the only way humans have any chance of surviving a zombie attack... is if only ugly people become zombies. Here's to hoping.

Weather Report From Ted

It's really hot out. The sun hurts my overtly Irish, mildly Mediterranean skin. It's difficult to stay positive in such conditions. It's hard to type with no air-conditioning. Damn you August. You and your no holidays...

JZ presents two things that are inherently good:

Water-slides and Huey Lewis and the News.... just puttin' that out there.

Enter the World of Boom

Hey, 'splosion fans, Chris here. My previous post, 'Chris Likes Stupid Guns' got me thinking. And by thinking I mean, trolling Youtube for footage of explosions. With that in mind, I'm proud to present World of Boom, a hopefully regular article, featuring some form of ridiculous gun, jet, explosion or other example of sharp bits of metal moving really fast. Why does the world need such an article, you ask? I think it was Swedish crooners Roxette who first instructed us to 'Listen to Your Heart'. And wouldn't you know it, your heart goes boom!

Today's video: three Panavier Tornado jets perform an ultra-low flyby at an air show. Pilot #3 wins the coveted World of Boom Award For Crazy.

T.R. misplaces napkin; totally misses "Awesome Party"

I was recently cleaning out my desk and came across this crumpled up cocktail napkin jammed way back in the left-hand desk drawer. Ordinarily, finding trash stockpiled under/in/around various areas that I occupy is nothing to warrant any cause for concern or alarm UNLESS said trash contains secret information and/or important reminders for extravagant social goings-on!!

Much to my horror, this particular cocktail napkin had been inscribed (by my own unmistakable scrawl) with all the necessary logistics required for attendance...FILING SYSTEM FAIL. Friends, I have discovered something else in my left-hand desk drawer today - shame. And remorse. And broken dreams. And a fancy belt and cuff links (just in case).

You may have been at that Awesome Party Michele with one "L", but sadly, I wasn't, and all I have left is a crumpled up reminder of a good time that I never had, but might still be able to if I can just work out some kinks in that infernal time machine.

Chris likes Stupid Guns

While I consider myself both an artist and an enlightened 21st Century man, I can't deny that when I see a big explosion, a jet breaking the sound barrier, or a big gun going 'bang!' I get very excited. With that in mind, allow me to present this complication of various people attempting to fire the preposterous ".577 T-Rex" rifle, a firearm seemingly designed expressly for separating the men from the boys. Just looking at the damn thing makes me weep with effete inadequacy. Think you could do better? Well, good for you, Chuck Norris.

Desensitized to violence.

Hello! It's me, Corinne,here with yet another way Geva Comedy Improv has changed my life. I grew up as an only child and now its as if I have 7 older brothers to educate me on everything I missed growing up.

"You don't know every line in Star Wars? You wouldn't Corinne..."

"Uh, Corinne, Zombies want to eat your brains, the fact that they tear the rest of you apart is only a side effect of trying to get to your brain...duh. Why wouldn't you know that? You're such a girl..."

"And then she said...Oh Corinne, stop covering your ears, the rest of the joke isn't that bad!"

Since joining the troupe I have a new found likeness for: violence in films, zombies, George Lucas, bacon, politically incorrect jokes, and offering "the female perspective" whenever I can. So, all in all, this experience has enhanced my life in many ways, and as a way to give back (and also try and one up the boys on addictive internet games) I give you this: I ninja rampage game where you kill giant like zombies with a sword. There's no way you can resist this game folks. Seeing the blood shed makes me smile. I hope you feel the love too.
http://www.ninjakiwi.com/Games/Action/Play/Shadow_Brute.html

A money saving, liver ruining tip from your freinds at GCI.

Hey, John here. I just got back from a trip to Las Vegas Nevada last weekend, and have a piece of wisdom to impart to anybody planning a trip there. Now, as you know, Vegas is for people who like to party. And by party I mean engage in any type of vice yet imagined by man. From slot-machines to gun-play to anything remotely involving boobs, Vegas has you covered. No doubt when you get to LV you'll be eager to do some partying whatever your particular brand is. It is because of this partying that planning is necessary.

The gist or thesis of what I'm driving at here is don't schedule a 3 day trip to Vegas. Let me explain why: you're gonna get there Friday night juiced to get off that plane and start partying, and party you will. Friday night you will take it out and chop it up. You will wake up Saturday and start recovering, spending most of the day nursing your wounds. Then, on Saturday night, just as the horse tranquilizers are wearing off and the penicillin is kicking in, it's time to party again. Saturday partying will be a whole 'nother level of defiling yourself. Like whoa, you'll discover sins that creep the devil out, and that's OK....that's part of the process. Sunday, however, will then be a wash. between the two hours sleep you got before, the time spent ditching the Federales, and figuring out what kind of meat you have 90 pounds of in the trunk of your rented car; there are just some thing pepto-bizmol can't fix. This means that you will pay for a hotel room on Sunday that you only use to sit in as you eat burritos and gently weep to yourself about what you've done. Best bet is get a room for two or four nights, as night three is gonna be a wash.

GCI in Insider Magazine

Rochester Insider Magazine picks up the TV On Stage shows. Click to read the article. Huzzah!

GCI Proclaimed "Idiot Box Laureate"

In recognition of their forthcoming season-ending, face-meltingly hilarious TV On Stage shows, Geva Comedy Improv has been awarded the prestigious title of "Idiot Box Laureate" by the Federal Communications Commission.

A press release issued by the FCC marks the occasion:
"The Federal Communications Commission is keenly aware of the pathologically-obsessive television viewing by the GCI cast. These guys watch way, way more television than can possibly be healthy. In fact, we estimate that their brains have been irreversibly irradiated from years and years of boob-tubing. One cast member watched the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer over 200 times! These guys are heroes of voyeurism, and we are awed and terrified by them. Bravo!"

Geva Comedy Improv spokesperson Chris Holden commented on the award, saying "Blurgh.....TV Good. ...me likem watch......HAHAH HA HAH.....funny TV .....ha...er...AH... AHHHHHH... EEEEEEEEEEE ....BAD TV!..... Buffy scare me lot..."

Join Geva Comedy Improv for TV On Stage Thursday, Friday and Saturday, 16-18.

More Bars in More Places

Hello Everyone,

Nick here. If your wondering why you haven't seen or heard from me much lately, the answer is im in England! Its true, but as you know, its virtually impossible to find an internet connection in England, let alone a cell phone signal. So to bypass the anguish that I would have inevitably gone through just to get a signal in London, I declined from getting a phone for my time here.

However, I am currently traveling in a small and quite quaint town called Bakewell, famed for their tarts and I found one. I found a signal and thought I should let everyone know that up-to-date technology exists in the "Dead Zone" of England. What is funny and not widely known is that the signal that I picked up has been broadcasting for nearly 600 to 700 years. I was lucky enough to have found these very old bars in this very place!

Unfortunately I have not been able to find many more bars in this barren of communication technology wasteland that is Great Britain!

IMPROV WORKSHOPS

SUMMER IMPROV BOOTCAMP!

TUESDAY EVENINGS 6:30 – 8:30 PM
July 14th – August 25th

Geva Comedy Improv announces 7 week instructional courses on improvisation for ages 16 and up. There is no prior experience necessary and classes will be taught according to experience and skill level.

Course tuition is $175.00 for the full 7 weeks. The classes will be taught by current Geva Comedy Improv cast members and will be held at Geva Theatre Center on Tuesday evenings from 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM starting July 14 and running through August 25 with a special showcase performance to be held on Thursday August 27th.

For more information or to register, contact Tim Ryan at tryan@gevatheatre.org or by calling (585) 232-1366 ext 3049.

Jason Statham: Money well spent

This weekend my wife and I were finishing up our Sunday grocery trip to Wegmans and she informed me she was going to check out the make-up aisle, thus leaving me to peruse the bargain bins. Right infront of the check out aisle at the Pittsford Weggies are bins of good deals. Toothbrushes for $1.00, Speed stick for $1.00, and DVD's for $5.00...I think to myself "I don't need these items, but I at these low-low prices, I can't afford NOT to buy them."

The bargain bins of DVD's were slim pickens. I was on the fence with two titles, weighing the pros and cons of purchase, when I saw a sure thing. I didn't hesitate. In fact as I snagged the DVD of the shelf I said "Sold." out load. What was this sure bet DVD? Why, it was "War" starring Jet Li and Jason Statham. According to the tag line one of them wants justice and the other wants revenge. I don't know who wants what, and frankly I don't care. What care is that it's a Jason Statham movie for $5.00.

Statham is one bad motha. For the most part his movies are solid and highly entertaining, and you always get your moneys worth. When you rented "Death Race" you knew EXACTLY what you were going to see: a bunch of stuff exploding, a** kicking, and a couple of funny lines, and he is going to do it rather well.

I'm not saying he is a better actor than Sean Penn, or that the "Transporter" trilogy is on par with "The Godfather." However you know he is going to beat up more guys than there are in The Streets of Rage. What I am saying is, if I have $5.00 to buy a movie, and my choices are "War" or "Sideways?" Leave the wine, give me a six pack and I'm going to war.

My Top Five Jason Statham Movies (starring roles only, sorry "Lock Stock" and "Italian Job")

5.) Transporter 2
4.) Death Race
3.) Transporter
2.) The Bank Job
1.) Snatch

Ask a Guy who took a Workshop.

When Tony signed up for our Improv Summer Boot Camp for the second consecutive year, we knew something had to be up. We recently had the opportunity to sit down with Tony and ask him the hard questions.

GCI: Thanks for meeting us Tony. So why did you sign up for a Geva Comedy Improv workshop in the first place?
Tony: I thought it would be an interesting experience. I had never been on stage before outside of a brief appearance during a Tom Sawyer play during grade school. I didn't really like that experience, and figured it would be more fun to be an a**.
GCI: What was the best thing about the workshop last summer?
Tony: I really enjoyed the variety of activities. They tried to teach us so many things to do, and we couldn't even do them all. So many fun games I never would have thought of.
GCI: What was the worst thing about the workshop last summer?
Tony: The day that Ted was there.
GCI: Why on Earth would you sign up for it a second time?
Tony: Why not? It's cheaper than a vacation. It also gives you something to look forward to in a bleak and otherwise pointless existence.
GCI: What do you want to do differently this summer?
Tony: I want to get more people to the final show. It was a blast last year and I hope more people can see it. Also, I want to play some more Samurai Energy Throw.
GCI: What advice would you give to someone who taking the workshop for the first time?
Tony: I would say swallow your pride and avoid creepy eye contact with Liam. Also try not to have "delirium tremors" like Tom Hanks did in Saving Private Ryan. He was an alcoholic in that movie.
GCI: Tom Hanks? Really? In real life?
Tony: No, in the movie.
GCI: No he wasn't, not in Forrest Gump.
Tony: He was just dumb in Forrest Gump, his mother was the drunk in that one.
GCI: Oh okay, thanks Tony (sips from Giant Coffee)

Come ride and the Babemobile this summer.

Why Mannequins shouldn't be allowed to use Fireworks

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Bollywood He-Man

Have your eyes been getting uppity of late? Do they need to be taught a lesson they'll not soon forget? Then you're in luck! Force yourself to sit through this clip from Chahiye He Man He Man from Nafrat Ki Aandhi (1989) and your eyes will be begging for mercy.

WARNING: You can never un-see what you are about to see. GCI takes no responsibility for the sweating, nosebleeds, spontaneous combustion or sexual nightmares you are about to endure.

JZ old, study finds.

Hey, John here. A recent study has shown that I am, in fact, an old person. I know what you're saying. You're saying "Obviously, look at your hairline." but you're wrong.. My hairline has been receding since I was 17; it's only like this cause it got an early start. So then you might think it's my weathered face with the weary look in the eyes, but again you'd be wrong. That's just the result of replacing sleeping with drinking on the weekends.


The hair is called "The Flying V", the message of the picture: sleep is for the weak.


No, the evidence that I'm old came last night, during the Dropkick Murphys/ Offspring concert. Here's a band that I've always loved (Dropkick) back in town after years away. and was I there rockin' out in the pit? Hell No! I was at home MOWING MY LAWN!!! I was even using one of those old timey lawn mowers with no motor... ugh, it bums me out.. Bums me out to the point where I just wanna drink some Fibercon, watch Wheel of Fortune and take a nap.

Unemployment already way boring

While having to work all summer isn't always the most fun way to spend July and August, it's far more soul-crushing to have to spend that time looking for a job. A victim of nationwide lay-offs and spending cutbacks, Paul Nellis launched full-force into a job search today. It was, however, not very exciting. "I wish I just had something to do, instead of having to look for something to do," Nellis stated candidly. "Sure I could play video games, but it would be great if I could afford to buy some new ones," he complained. Nellis then spent the rest of the day, wondering when everyone else would get out of work, and if any of them wanted to get a drink.

"They're not quite out of the woods yet."

RE-INTEGRATION INTO SOCIETY SLOW GOING FOR RECENTLY RESCUED COMEDIANS














GCI PRESS
(Rochester, NY) Having been recently liberated from a secret underground tunnel complex where they were held hostage for several weeks by a rogue rebel faction, members of the little-known regional Improv Comedy troupe Geva Comedy Improv have exhibited a reluctance to communicate, a general fear of the sun and other bright lights, and a strong aversion to human interaction. Such feelings of distrust and paranoia are not uncommon amongst newly freed hostages and it is likely that the worst of their ordeal may yet lie ahead.

"They're not quite out of the woods yet", Explains notable psychologist Dr. Edward Newscomb.

"They have mentally reverted to a previous state wherein they have come to rely upon isolation as a means of protection. The underground tunnel system in which they were held captive was very womb-like and ironically, sudden removal from that enviroment can cause a severe retrograde amnesiac state. That is to say, they are unable to recall any memory of their lives before they went into that tunnel, our world, and the world that they once exisited in has become completely and utterly alien."

Although the prognosis for a full and complete recovery is uncertain, Dr. Newscomb is certain of one thing:

"Those poor bastards are in for one hell of a long adjustment and adaptation period that may span tens of years before they will ever be able to live any kind of a normal life...then again, none of them really lived normal lives to begin with, so that's at least one positive."

Troupe Rescued from Jungle Prison

Famously sexy comedy act 'Geva Comedy Improv' was today liberated from the jungle tunnel complex where it had been held against its will by rebels. Now free, troupe members vowed to resume their blogging, which had been limited by the incarceration. Said GCI spokesman Chris Holden, "I guess being held hostage by fearsome jungle men in a cramped subterranean grotto wasn't all bad. Ted married the rebel leader, and they taught me Five Card Stud. But all things considered, it's good to be free." The rebels, who were mostly slaughtered by US Special Forces in a bloody 12 minute firefight remained optimistic that GCI would one day be recaptured. "Being shot to death by government troops sort of comes with the territory", said one rebel. "I don't blame them. But those comedians shall taste of my blade if they fall once more into the hands of the Seneca Park Snake Warriors."

T.R. UNEXPECTEDLY RECEIVES FREE DONUT, LATER DISCOVERS WHY

I began my day this morning as I often do - tired and in need of my requisite gallon of coffee. Ordinarily, I self-brew (French Roast) and begin my caffeine intake whilst in the shower (you should try this, it ranks just under a very cold beer in the hierarchy of beverages that I like to enjoy while standing under steaming hot running water...for obvious reasons the former is best suited for mornings and the latter for pre-night-on-the-town rituals).

Groggy and faced with the realization that I had previously committed to an 8 O'Clock AM meeting, I quickly assessed that I lacked the nominal motivation required to fetch a fresh coffee filter, scoop an appropriate measurement of black crystalline deliciousness and facilitate a transference of H20 and thereby made the decision to stop by Dunkin' Donuts on my way to the meeting.

I quickly scrubbed, shined and polished myself, grabbed the necessary meeting support materials and found myself moments later standing in a rather long line at D & D. Things were slow going, and the line was considerably longer than usual at this time of day...an unidentified gentlemen two places ahead of me in line (presumably after making a quick time cost-benefit analysis) wavered, abandoned his post and fled sans product(s). I glanced at my watch...thinking about the viability of following suit in a shameful caffeine-less retreat...I held my position. As I would later learn, Fortune would soon smile down upon me for my perserverance.

As I reached the front of the line I barked forth my order (Medium Hazelnut, cream and sugar) while the gentlemen next to me was offered a free donut by another D&D employee. He was confused at first, and about to refuse the offer (a result of being hardened by years of fast-food "would you like to try our super special double hammy-wham sammy roll-up" promotional salesmanship lingo no doubt), but quickly came to his senses when "FREE" fully permeated his cerebral cortex.

SWEET. I knew exactly what to expect next. Like an obese diabetic toddler whose chubby knees kant inward creating an isosceles triangle with his shins (Figure 1A),I excitedly proclaimed my donut selection before the D&D employee could finish the query:

"Blueberry Cake Please!"

FIGURE 1A - Obese toddler with isosceles triangle shins

BAM! The words hit her ears with the sharp clarity of a throwing star from a breakfast ninja who just landed a preemptive strike. My early morning laziness had yielded a delicious confectionary treat. Victory was mine!

Victory was also that other guy's...and everyone else in D&D. It turns out, Victory can also be yours too.

I later learned through the power of THE INTERNETS that today, JUNE 5, 2009 is NATIONAL DONUT DAY and Dunkin Donuts is giving away a free donut with the purchase of any beverage.

Go Forth my friends - go forth and claim that which is yours - while supplies last...

For the Apologies... A Lady

It's too late for you, apologies. Your days are numbered. The damage has been done, so I guess you should be leaving. You're not welcome in this town anymore. "Stuff it, terd nugget" is the new "Oh, I'm sorry." "Move it or lose it, pipe dreams" is the new "pardon me." We live in an age of hyper-confidence and ill-mannered barbarianism, a return to the natural order... For all you apologies still out there, looming in a pool of self-doubt and apprehension, I present to you a lady who never apologizes.

That's right, the goddess of "you get what you deserve" herself, Lady 'muther effin' Justice! Blind as a bat, but hard as a brick shit house. And if you still don't get the picture, here is a series of ladies who also never see fit to vindicate their actions.

And lastly, apologies, lay your feeble lamentations on this limit-less, red-bearded SOB. Sure he may not be a lady, but he likes his apologies like he likes his coffee... cold.

McGurskey! Coming soon to a nextstage near YOU! July 2009.

For the Ladies - An Apology

Chris here. Just an addendum to Corinne's post, below, regarding Scene For The Ladies. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to any ladies in the crowd who felt that our scene didn't really seem like it was, in fact, 'for them'. John and I evidently have little-to-no understanding of feminine desire, which is all the more tragic considering that I am married and John is engaged. Props to our respective partners for keeping our bumbling, homoerotic ravings off the streets. In your honor, ladies, I thus submit another music video by Mr. Billy Squire - a man who is so 'for the ladies', it makes me weep to live in his shadow. Again, sorry.

For The Ladies

This goes out to all the ladies,

John and Chris did a, well, jaw dropping scene "For the ladies" on Friday night during our Catch 23 show. It involved extreme muscle flexing and the "manliest" uncorking of a champagne bottle I've ever seen. If you were there to witness the action for yourself and it left you thirsting for more, do I have a cure for you. If you missed out, then this is a fair representation of the masculinity portrayed on stage.

Remember about a month ago I posted that video of Lee Hyo-ri, music sensation, queen of Korean Pop? Well, I found the Korean boy band equivalent. Apparently, Korea never grew old of formulaic pop groups like we did in America.

So here's a video that will knock your socks off. A group called SHINee. It's juicy, and definitely dreamed up "For the Ladies" Enjoy!

Summer Slam Weekend

Time to take out some face-insurance - Geva Comedy Improv plans to melt your features right off with a weekend of scorchin' hot comedy. On Friday at 10:30pm we present "Catch 23", where each team has only 23 minutes to rock your world (like the TV show '24', but with less terrorists and more drink specials).
Then on Saturday it's Face Off at 10:30pm, where the Beowolves will try to salvage their dignity, following their humiliating defeat the last time they faced the Roc City Racketeers. Who will emerge triumphant, and who will eat improv crow? Only one way to find out - pay your $7, and strap yourselves in.

BRITISH COURT RULES YES, PRINGLES ARE IN FACT CHIPS

After appeal, three judges decide snack has enough potato to be taxable

From the Associated Press updated 3:56 p.m. ET, Wed., May 20, 2009

LONDON - Pringles' tax status has been crunched by a trio of British judges.

The Court of Appeal judges decided Wednesday that the snack is a potato chip — and that means it's liable for Britain's Value Added Tax.

In Britain, most food isn't subject to the 15 percent national tax, but potato chips are.

A lower court had decided Pringles weren't chips and would remain exempt from tax. But the higher court judges disagreed. They said the snack contains "more than enough potato content" to be considered a chip.

A spokeswoman for Pringles' manufacturer Procter & Gamble Co. said the company has been paying the tax protectively and so does not owe the taxman.

Well...I had a good run...

Hey, John here. Just writing to tell ya that I have developed an addiction that will probably ruin the rest of my life. And unlike other addictions I've faced off against (I'm looking at you, cookiedough) this one is FREE, meaning there's nothing limiting my indulgence. That addiction, you ask? ...Bejeweled. How can the rest of the world compete with a tiny screen that rewards me every time I line up three jewels of the same color? It can't, that's how. See, the game was just a passing interest for me, until one fatefull day I got the impossibly high score of 148,700. Now, I must forever hunt the white whale of Bejeweled points as a mouse clicking Captain Ahab. That book had a happy end, though, right?

...So, this is John, signing off, to a land of disapearing jewels and broken dreams.

Godspeed.

As you have no doubt circled in your calendar, Terminator Salvation is released into theaters this week. In honor of the vast amounts of gratuitous techno-violence it will undoubtedly unload into our faces, we proudly present 'BATTLE OF THE BIONIC BABES' - a shallow and puerile comparison of hot robot ladies from movies and TV. Yes, it's nerdy and sad. Yes, beauty is only skin deep. But sometimes, skin-deep beauty is stretched over a near-indestructible poly-metal endo-skeleton. Bring on the contestants!






Check out the four groups, and then cast your vote below. The winners from each round will go on to square-off in a sandy pit, surrounded by polystyrene rocks, like in classic Star Trek. Oh, and remember that you're voting for the character, not the actress. Natch.


Survey Results - GlowDay.com