Friday, June 05, 2009


I began my day this morning as I often do - tired and in need of my requisite gallon of coffee. Ordinarily, I self-brew (French Roast) and begin my caffeine intake whilst in the shower (you should try this, it ranks just under a very cold beer in the hierarchy of beverages that I like to enjoy while standing under steaming hot running water...for obvious reasons the former is best suited for mornings and the latter for pre-night-on-the-town rituals).

Groggy and faced with the realization that I had previously committed to an 8 O'Clock AM meeting, I quickly assessed that I lacked the nominal motivation required to fetch a fresh coffee filter, scoop an appropriate measurement of black crystalline deliciousness and facilitate a transference of H20 and thereby made the decision to stop by Dunkin' Donuts on my way to the meeting.

I quickly scrubbed, shined and polished myself, grabbed the necessary meeting support materials and found myself moments later standing in a rather long line at D & D. Things were slow going, and the line was considerably longer than usual at this time of unidentified gentlemen two places ahead of me in line (presumably after making a quick time cost-benefit analysis) wavered, abandoned his post and fled sans product(s). I glanced at my watch...thinking about the viability of following suit in a shameful caffeine-less retreat...I held my position. As I would later learn, Fortune would soon smile down upon me for my perserverance.

As I reached the front of the line I barked forth my order (Medium Hazelnut, cream and sugar) while the gentlemen next to me was offered a free donut by another D&D employee. He was confused at first, and about to refuse the offer (a result of being hardened by years of fast-food "would you like to try our super special double hammy-wham sammy roll-up" promotional salesmanship lingo no doubt), but quickly came to his senses when "FREE" fully permeated his cerebral cortex.

SWEET. I knew exactly what to expect next. Like an obese diabetic toddler whose chubby knees kant inward creating an isosceles triangle with his shins (Figure 1A),I excitedly proclaimed my donut selection before the D&D employee could finish the query:

"Blueberry Cake Please!"

FIGURE 1A - Obese toddler with isosceles triangle shins

BAM! The words hit her ears with the sharp clarity of a throwing star from a breakfast ninja who just landed a preemptive strike. My early morning laziness had yielded a delicious confectionary treat. Victory was mine!

Victory was also that other guy's...and everyone else in D&D. It turns out, Victory can also be yours too.

I later learned through the power of THE INTERNETS that today, JUNE 5, 2009 is NATIONAL DONUT DAY and Dunkin Donuts is giving away a free donut with the purchase of any beverage.

Go Forth my friends - go forth and claim that which is yours - while supplies last...

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