Thursday, May 28, 2009

Summer Slam Weekend

Time to take out some face-insurance - Geva Comedy Improv plans to melt your features right off with a weekend of scorchin' hot comedy. On Friday at 10:30pm we present "Catch 23", where each team has only 23 minutes to rock your world (like the TV show '24', but with less terrorists and more drink specials).
Then on Saturday it's Face Off at 10:30pm, where the Beowolves will try to salvage their dignity, following their humiliating defeat the last time they faced the Roc City Racketeers. Who will emerge triumphant, and who will eat improv crow? Only one way to find out - pay your $7, and strap yourselves in.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

BRITISH COURT RULES YES, PRINGLES ARE IN FACT CHIPS


















After appeal, three judges decide snack has enough potato to be taxable

From the Associated Press updated 3:56 p.m. ET, Wed., May 20, 2009

LONDON - Pringles' tax status has been crunched by a trio of British judges.

The Court of Appeal judges decided Wednesday that the snack is a potato chip — and that means it's liable for Britain's Value Added Tax.

In Britain, most food isn't subject to the 15 percent national tax, but potato chips are.

A lower court had decided Pringles weren't chips and would remain exempt from tax. But the higher court judges disagreed. They said the snack contains "more than enough potato content" to be considered a chip.

A spokeswoman for Pringles' manufacturer Procter & Gamble Co. said the company has been paying the tax protectively and so does not owe the taxman.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Well...I had a good run...

Hey, John here. Just writing to tell ya that I have developed an addiction that will probably ruin the rest of my life. And unlike other addictions I've faced off against (I'm looking at you, cookiedough) this one is FREE, meaning there's nothing limiting my indulgence. That addiction, you ask? ...Bejeweled. How can the rest of the world compete with a tiny screen that rewards me every time I line up three jewels of the same color? It can't, that's how. See, the game was just a passing interest for me, until one fatefull day I got the impossibly high score of 148,700. Now, I must forever hunt the white whale of Bejeweled points as a mouse clicking Captain Ahab. That book had a happy end, though, right?

...So, this is John, signing off, to a land of disapearing jewels and broken dreams.

Godspeed.

Monday, May 18, 2009

As you have no doubt circled in your calendar, Terminator Salvation is released into theaters this week. In honor of the vast amounts of gratuitous techno-violence it will undoubtedly unload into our faces, we proudly present 'BATTLE OF THE BIONIC BABES' - a shallow and puerile comparison of hot robot ladies from movies and TV. Yes, it's nerdy and sad. Yes, beauty is only skin deep. But sometimes, skin-deep beauty is stretched over a near-indestructible poly-metal endo-skeleton. Bring on the contestants!






Check out the four groups, and then cast your vote below. The winners from each round will go on to square-off in a sandy pit, surrounded by polystyrene rocks, like in classic Star Trek. Oh, and remember that you're voting for the character, not the actress. Natch.


Survey Results - GlowDay.com

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Chef Corinne!



If any of you don't know, I am the Resident Chef of the group.
I keep the bellies full in order to power the lovely brains
and quick wit of the boys.

It's become a tradition that after rehearsal on Mondays
we gather for family dinner. Some of my greatest hits
have been enchiladas, rosemary sausage stew, and Chicken Maryland.

While I may not be the only chef, Ted and Tr have been known
to throw quite a hearty meal on the table, I am the reigning
Queen of Family Dinner.

Today I'm going to share my top secret recipe for:

Fatty D and Big Dipper's Ultimate Pasta

*Disclaimer: Most of my cooking is done by "eye-balling it" and loose terms like "a smidge" or "you know, just add as much as you want" or "cook it 'till it's done" are not cullinary persay...so sorry ahead of time.

Ingredients:
flour (3 tbs-ish)
butter (a good knob)
half and half (the little box)
chicken stock (one can)
shrimp
chicken
parmesean cheese
mozzarella cheese
onion
garlic
pasta (we like linguini)

1) Boil salted water for pasta and cook as recommended on the package. Drain and set aside.
2) In a sautee pan, melt butter, add garlic and onion finely chopped, add flour to make a rue and cook for about a minute on medium to cook off the flour taste.
3) Slowly add half and half, mix in roux until there are no chunks of flour and the sauce will thicken.
4) Add 2 handfuls of mozzarella and shake in parmesean until your heart is content. Stir and melt into the white sauce.
5) Thin out sauce by slowly adding chicken broth until you get your desired thickness.
6) In a seperate pan, cook 6 pieces of bacon until crispy. Set aside to cool, empty out bacon grease but leave enough to coat the bottom of the pan. Cook chicken in the same pan. Remove chicken from the pan and cook shrimp until no longer pink.
7) Chop chicken and bacon to bite size pieces and add the the sauce. Add shrimp the the sauce.
8) Plate pasta and pour the sauce over the pasta and enjoy.

Hope my directions were clear enough. If you don't know how to cook chicken all the way through or often set grease fires, do not attempt this recipe.
Ted and I love this dish and we hope you do too!

Look for more vauge yet delicious recipes in the weeks to come!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ode to Silliness

Sadly this year I am going to miss the Geva Comedy Improv Retreat (however, we don't ever retreat so we call it an "Attack"). The Attack is held on the sacred grouns of the Limpert family cottage on Lake Ontario. It's a weekend of planning, grilled meats, hearty breakfasts, camp fires, having a blasty on the beach, 21 and over cocktails, sand in shoes, and a 2:00am beach wrestling match with John Zaffino. Its hard to capture the fun with words so maybe these vids will paint a nice picture for ya.


Liam Scoockle



NEW WEAPON TURNS FIRE ANTS INTO HEADLESS ZOMBIES



Published - May 13 2009 09:42AM EDT
From the Associated Press

Researchers in Texas are trying an unusual approach to combat fire ants _ deploying parasitic flies that turn the pesky and economically costly insects into zombies whose heads fall off.

The biting, territorial fire ants cost the Texas economy about $1 billion annually by damaging electrical equipment, according to a Texas A&M study. They can also threaten young calves.

But now the researchers are trying a tiny phorid fly, native to a region of South America where the fire ants originated. Researchers have learned that fire ants in their home region are kept under control by as many as 23 phorid species.

The flies lay eggs on the fire ants, and the eggs hatch into maggots inside the ant and eat away at the pest's tiny brain.

The ant will get up and wander for about two weeks while the maggot feeds, said Rob Plowes, a research associate at the University of Texas at Austin.

"There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly," he said.

About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off _ and a new fly emerges ready to attack another fire ant.

"They're not going to completely wipe out the fire ant, but it's a way to control their population," said Scott Ludwig, an integrated pest management specialist with Texas A&M's AgriLife Extension Service in Overton, in East Texas.

Four phorid species have been introduced in the state since 1999. They don't attack native ants or other species and have been introduced in other Gulf Coast states, Plowes told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

But it will take time to determine if the flies are effective in Texas, perhaps as long as a decade.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Corinne and Ted Fly to NYC; Terrorist Alert is Raised to Fuschia

GCI members Corinne Magin and Ted Limpert recently travelled to the big apple with no ill-intentions. However, the US Department of Homeland Security caught wind of their suspiciously frivolous activities and went on high alert dark-pink. This suspicious photo was released of the two (potential) security-threats travelling in a small-aircraft...Magin and Limpert were lost by an expert surveillance team at an airport in Newark. The following day, by what the CIA referred to as "dumb luck," the two were picked up on a Russian satellite at the Empire State Building with pockets full of loose change. A surveillance camera picked up this photo of these two extremely dangerous individuals.While Limpert was in the bathroom, Magin attempted to disguise herself as an innocent, peace-loving tourist.
Fooled, for only a brief moment, government officials apprehended the two in the gift shop. Unfortunately, due to the recent repeal of the power to brutally torture people of random nationalities and men with beards, the US Anti-Terrorist Agency is forced to develop new, innovative methods for extracting information. Hoping to instill great fear within these two deviants, the interrogation was administered by a man in a gorilla suit.
"It was an extremely challenging situation... though Magin seemed to be mildly receptive to these scare tactics, Limpert thoroughly enjoyed the experience" officials said. Magin and Limpert were set free only because the government no longer has a formal location to detain innocent citizens. As punishment for wrongfully deceiving US intelligence, the two were sent home on a China Town Bus; a unique torture tactic that is still in question under the Obama administration.

Friday, May 08, 2009

GCI Visits Local Diner

Tucked away in the heart of the town of Penfield lies a quaint little eatery known by the townspeople as The Original Steve's Diner. You may be fooled by it's modest size, but it is a mecca to those who still believe in the power of a good, balanced, post-noon breakfast, and continue to adhere to the fleeting doctrine of Metro Mattress. Members of GCI are not unacquainted with the antiquated society of American bistros, and even consider themselves to be connoisseurs of this lasting tradition (having dined at some of Rochesters most notable local estabalishments). Still entangled in the lasting stupor of the night before, several cast members of GCI decided to put Original Steve to the test.

Upon arriving, GCI's keen eye for potential shed a single tear, finding an immediate challenge within it's gaze. "These Menu's look like they were drawn by four year olds" exclaimed GCI cast member TR. "Mine doesn't even say anything it is just a bunch of lines and crayon scribbles" declared Ted Limpert, disgusted. In fact, the menus had been drawn by 4 year olds. Perhaps hoping to muster some sense of communal pride, Original Steve had employed the tiny amateur-hands of local youth to create the menu covers for his professional business. A bold move by Original Steve. Although GCI applauded Steve's fearlessness, they knew that something had to be done.

A young waitress suggested a friendly contest to see who could draw better than a 4 year old and save Original Steve's from it's artistic folly... GCI accepted, knowing full well that this competition would be anything but friendly. What follows are the fruits of these men's labors.













































Realizing that the victor of this rivalry is so blatant it hurts the eyes, it is unnecesary to try to describe his sassy, fantastical depiction of a pirate-egg riding a flying bacon-surfboard. However, the shortcomings of the defeated can easily be described. Nick DiCola's pleasant table-top smorgasbord is lacking one vital thing... plates, making it a repuslive, potentially germ-infested meal. TR does not know how to spell Diner. Michael Borden, an associate of GCI, captures man-made objects in a still life, a style of art that hasn't been popular since the middle ages. Lastly, Paul's depiction of Jamaican Coffee is painfully mediocre and mildly racist.

In the end, Ted Limpert's work of art destroyed and replaced the 4 year old's laughably-abstract, infantile attempt at expressionism. "I just wish he could be here to know what a real artist looks like... and so I could watch him cry" stated Limpert. Original Steve did not wish to release a statement. Another crisis overted with the help of GCI.

Make sure to visit The Original Steve's Diner, it is a fine estabalishment, now with a little piece of genius on one of it's menus.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

How to Render Your Film Dated

Hey, John here. As you may be aware, we improviseres are a shiftelss lot (with the exception of TR). Our primary activities include napping, cat napping, and the consumption of media. One thing that the consuption of media encompasses, is watching movies. This leads me to the topic of today's post: how to render your film dated. As you make the movie that you no doubt have rattling around in your head, you must decide if you want to go for something timeless, or stamp it with a big ol' reference to when it was made. Sure it may keep you from making the next Casablanca, but everyone watching your movie will know "Emo was sure big when this thing was made.". Here are a few steps you can take to rub time funk all over your picture:

- Musical cues: Putting a big, current radio hit in your movie will make it connect with the kids...for about a month. Then some new God-awful song will come out and the hero of your movie now looks hopelessly out of date! You started out courting the coolness factor and ended up with "Whoop-Adams Family-There it is!!". Truth be told, dated music can work in your favor. Huey Lewis and the News knocked it out of the park in Back to the Future, perfectly capturing the 1985 setting. Generally speaking, though, keep to a quasi-generic score.

- Cutting edge technology: Watch a cheesy action flick from the early-mid 1980's. Ok, now look at the rich business man bad-guy. "Look how rich he is!! He has a phone right in his car!!!" In the late 80's and early 90's it was cell phones; and in the early 00's it was the current iphone. Look, whatever you put in there, it's gonna be passed up, and look like a freakin' joke in the future. Just use current technology and people won't judge.

- The newest video games: Ok, I love Jackie Chan. But if you've ever seen Rumble in the Bronx, there's a scene where a kid is playing a Sega Game Gear that clearly has no game in it. As amazing as this movie is, it's soo distracting to watch a kid clack an empty plastic box in his hands. Also, movies like Big, that show a computer game being played become a study in 8-bit disappointment when viewed next to today's video games.

These three methods of movie dating at one point came together in a perfect storm of "This is what's big today!!" in one movie. that movie is the 1989 Fred Savage vehicle:


The Wizard. This film had it all Ninja Gaiden footage, "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block, and the piece de resistance; the world debut of.....The Power Glove!!! (for those too young to remember it, the power glove was a nintendo controler, built right into a glove, that never worked.)

Use these tools and references wisely, and for God's sakes, keep the New Kids out of your movie.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

John Zaffino and Ted Limpert declare their undying love for each other


When asked for comment, fellow GCI Cast Member Corinne Magin said "I just couldn't help but smile. To see two of my closest friends so happy made me happy too."