As you have no doubt circled in your calendar, Terminator Salvation is released into theaters this week. In honor of the vast amounts of gratuitous techno-violence it will undoubtedly unload into our faces, we proudly present 'BATTLE OF THE BIONIC BABES' - a shallow and puerile comparison of hot robot ladies from movies and TV. Yes, it's nerdy and sad. Yes, beauty is only skin deep. But sometimes, skin-deep beauty is stretched over a near-indestructible poly-metal endo-skeleton. Bring on the contestants!






Check out the four groups, and then cast your vote below. The winners from each round will go on to square-off in a sandy pit, surrounded by polystyrene rocks, like in classic Star Trek. Oh, and remember that you're voting for the character, not the actress. Natch.


Survey Results - GlowDay.com

Chef Corinne!

If any of you don't know, I am the Resident Chef of the group.
I keep the bellies full in order to power the lovely brains
and quick wit of the boys.

It's become a tradition that after rehearsal on Mondays
we gather for family dinner. Some of my greatest hits
have been enchiladas, rosemary sausage stew, and Chicken Maryland.

While I may not be the only chef, Ted and Tr have been known
to throw quite a hearty meal on the table, I am the reigning
Queen of Family Dinner.

Today I'm going to share my top secret recipe for:

Fatty D and Big Dipper's Ultimate Pasta

*Disclaimer: Most of my cooking is done by "eye-balling it" and loose terms like "a smidge" or "you know, just add as much as you want" or "cook it 'till it's done" are not cullinary persay...so sorry ahead of time.

Ingredients:
flour (3 tbs-ish)
butter (a good knob)
half and half (the little box)
chicken stock (one can)
shrimp
chicken
parmesean cheese
mozzarella cheese
onion
garlic
pasta (we like linguini)

1) Boil salted water for pasta and cook as recommended on the package. Drain and set aside.
2) In a sautee pan, melt butter, add garlic and onion finely chopped, add flour to make a rue and cook for about a minute on medium to cook off the flour taste.
3) Slowly add half and half, mix in roux until there are no chunks of flour and the sauce will thicken.
4) Add 2 handfuls of mozzarella and shake in parmesean until your heart is content. Stir and melt into the white sauce.
5) Thin out sauce by slowly adding chicken broth until you get your desired thickness.
6) In a seperate pan, cook 6 pieces of bacon until crispy. Set aside to cool, empty out bacon grease but leave enough to coat the bottom of the pan. Cook chicken in the same pan. Remove chicken from the pan and cook shrimp until no longer pink.
7) Chop chicken and bacon to bite size pieces and add the the sauce. Add shrimp the the sauce.
8) Plate pasta and pour the sauce over the pasta and enjoy.

Hope my directions were clear enough. If you don't know how to cook chicken all the way through or often set grease fires, do not attempt this recipe.
Ted and I love this dish and we hope you do too!

Look for more vauge yet delicious recipes in the weeks to come!

Ode to Silliness

Sadly this year I am going to miss the Geva Comedy Improv Retreat (however, we don't ever retreat so we call it an "Attack"). The Attack is held on the sacred grouns of the Limpert family cottage on Lake Ontario. It's a weekend of planning, grilled meats, hearty breakfasts, camp fires, having a blasty on the beach, 21 and over cocktails, sand in shoes, and a 2:00am beach wrestling match with John Zaffino. Its hard to capture the fun with words so maybe these vids will paint a nice picture for ya.


Liam Scoockle

NEW WEAPON TURNS FIRE ANTS INTO HEADLESS ZOMBIES

Published - May 13 2009 09:42AM EDT
From the Associated Press
Researchers in Texas are trying an unusual approach to combat fire ants _ deploying parasitic flies that turn the pesky and economically costly insects into zombies whose heads fall off.

The biting, territorial fire ants cost the Texas economy about $1 billion annually by damaging electrical equipment, according to a Texas A&M study. They can also threaten young calves.

But now the researchers are trying a tiny phorid fly, native to a region of South America where the fire ants originated. Researchers have learned that fire ants in their home region are kept under control by as many as 23 phorid species.

The flies lay eggs on the fire ants, and the eggs hatch into maggots inside the ant and eat away at the pest's tiny brain.

The ant will get up and wander for about two weeks while the maggot feeds, said Rob Plowes, a research associate at the University of Texas at Austin.

"There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly," he said.

About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off _ and a new fly emerges ready to attack another fire ant.

"They're not going to completely wipe out the fire ant, but it's a way to control their population," said Scott Ludwig, an integrated pest management specialist with Texas A&M's AgriLife Extension Service in Overton, in East Texas.

Four phorid species have been introduced in the state since 1999. They don't attack native ants or other species and have been introduced in other Gulf Coast states, Plowes told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

But it will take time to determine if the flies are effective in Texas, perhaps as long as a decade.

Corinne and Ted Fly to NYC; Terrorist Alert is Raised to Fuschia

GCI members Corinne Magin and Ted Limpert recently travelled to the big apple with no ill-intentions. However, the US Department of Homeland Security caught wind of their suspiciously frivolous activities and went on high alert dark-pink. This suspicious photo was released of the two (potential) security-threats travelling in a small-aircraft...Magin and Limpert were lost by an expert surveillance team at an airport in Newark. The following day, by what the CIA referred to as "dumb luck," the two were picked up on a Russian satellite at the Empire State Building with pockets full of loose change. A surveillance camera picked up this photo of these two extremely dangerous individuals.While Limpert was in the bathroom, Magin attempted to disguise herself as an innocent, peace-loving tourist.
Fooled, for only a brief moment, government officials apprehended the two in the gift shop. Unfortunately, due to the recent repeal of the power to brutally torture people of random nationalities and men with beards, the US Anti-Terrorist Agency is forced to develop new, innovative methods for extracting information. Hoping to instill great fear within these two deviants, the interrogation was administered by a man in a gorilla suit.
"It was an extremely challenging situation... though Magin seemed to be mildly receptive to these scare tactics, Limpert thoroughly enjoyed the experience" officials said. Magin and Limpert were set free only because the government no longer has a formal location to detain innocent citizens. As punishment for wrongfully deceiving US intelligence, the two were sent home on a China Town Bus; a unique torture tactic that is still in question under the Obama administration.

GCI Visits Local Diner

Tucked away in the heart of the town of Penfield lies a quaint little eatery known by the townspeople as The Original Steve's Diner. You may be fooled by it's modest size, but it is a mecca to those who still believe in the power of a good, balanced, post-noon breakfast, and continue to adhere to the fleeting doctrine of Metro Mattress. Members of GCI are not unacquainted with the antiquated society of American bistros, and even consider themselves to be connoisseurs of this lasting tradition (having dined at some of Rochesters most notable local estabalishments). Still entangled in the lasting stupor of the night before, several cast members of GCI decided to put Original Steve to the test.

Upon arriving, GCI's keen eye for potential shed a single tear, finding an immediate challenge within it's gaze. "These Menu's look like they were drawn by four year olds" exclaimed GCI cast member TR. "Mine doesn't even say anything it is just a bunch of lines and crayon scribbles" declared Ted Limpert, disgusted. In fact, the menus had been drawn by 4 year olds. Perhaps hoping to muster some sense of communal pride, Original Steve had employed the tiny amateur-hands of local youth to create the menu covers for his professional business. A bold move by Original Steve. Although GCI applauded Steve's fearlessness, they knew that something had to be done.

A young waitress suggested a friendly contest to see who could draw better than a 4 year old and save Original Steve's from it's artistic folly... GCI accepted, knowing full well that this competition would be anything but friendly. What follows are the fruits of these men's labors.

Realizing that the victor of this rivalry is so blatant it hurts the eyes, it is unnecesary to try to describe his sassy, fantastical depiction of a pirate-egg riding a flying bacon-surfboard. However, the shortcomings of the defeated can easily be described. Nick DiCola's pleasant table-top smorgasbord is lacking one vital thing... plates, making it a repuslive, potentially germ-infested meal. TR does not know how to spell Diner. Michael Borden, an associate of GCI, captures man-made objects in a still life, a style of art that hasn't been popular since the middle ages. Lastly, Paul's depiction of Jamaican Coffee is painfully mediocre and mildly racist.

In the end, Ted Limpert's work of art destroyed and replaced the 4 year old's laughably-abstract, infantile attempt at expressionism. "I just wish he could be here to know what a real artist looks like... and so I could watch him cry" stated Limpert. Original Steve did not wish to release a statement. Another crisis overted with the help of GCI.

Make sure to visit The Original Steve's Diner, it is a fine estabalishment, now with a little piece of genius on one of it's menus.

How to Render Your Film Dated

Hey, John here. As you may be aware, we improviseres are a shiftelss lot (with the exception of TR). Our primary activities include napping, cat napping, and the consumption of media. One thing that the consuption of media encompasses, is watching movies. This leads me to the topic of today's post: how to render your film dated. As you make the movie that you no doubt have rattling around in your head, you must decide if you want to go for something timeless, or stamp it with a big ol' reference to when it was made. Sure it may keep you from making the next Casablanca, but everyone watching your movie will know "Emo was sure big when this thing was made.". Here are a few steps you can take to rub time funk all over your picture:

- Musical cues: Putting a big, current radio hit in your movie will make it connect with the kids...for about a month. Then some new God-awful song will come out and the hero of your movie now looks hopelessly out of date! You started out courting the coolness factor and ended up with "Whoop-Adams Family-There it is!!". Truth be told, dated music can work in your favor. Huey Lewis and the News knocked it out of the park in Back to the Future, perfectly capturing the 1985 setting. Generally speaking, though, keep to a quasi-generic score.

- Cutting edge technology: Watch a cheesy action flick from the early-mid 1980's. Ok, now look at the rich business man bad-guy. "Look how rich he is!! He has a phone right in his car!!!" In the late 80's and early 90's it was cell phones; and in the early 00's it was the current iphone. Look, whatever you put in there, it's gonna be passed up, and look like a freakin' joke in the future. Just use current technology and people won't judge.

- The newest video games: Ok, I love Jackie Chan. But if you've ever seen Rumble in the Bronx, there's a scene where a kid is playing a Sega Game Gear that clearly has no game in it. As amazing as this movie is, it's soo distracting to watch a kid clack an empty plastic box in his hands. Also, movies like Big, that show a computer game being played become a study in 8-bit disappointment when viewed next to today's video games.

These three methods of movie dating at one point came together in a perfect storm of "This is what's big today!!" in one movie. that movie is the 1989 Fred Savage vehicle:


The Wizard. This film had it all Ninja Gaiden footage, "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block, and the piece de resistance; the world debut of.....The Power Glove!!! (for those too young to remember it, the power glove was a nintendo controler, built right into a glove, that never worked.)

Use these tools and references wisely, and for God's sakes, keep the New Kids out of your movie.

John Zaffino and Ted Limpert declare their undying love for each other

When asked for comment, fellow GCI Cast Member Corinne Magin said "I just couldn't help but smile. To see two of my closest friends so happy made me happy too."

Top Ten Rochester GCI Hot Spots

With the Stalker show coming up this weekend, I was inspired to blog.

Ever think to yourselves "Gosh, I wonder what those crrrraaaazzzzyyy improv kids do in their off-time."?
I used to when I was a sweet young thing sitting in the next stage house, day dreaming about the cast....ooh, creepy? a little.
I used to think, "I bet they just live in the moment, plans are made out of thin air and they're magical, off the cuff, out of the ordinary! They're IMPROVISERS for God's sake!!!"


While it's true our plans are made last minute(more from faulty planning than spontaneity), we have a few favs. I've narrowed down our Top Ten Rochester Hot Spots in no particular order. These locals are clutch to downtown livin'.

Here's it goes:

1) Lux Lounge (Best <3)

2) South Wedge Diner (weekend Breakfast)

3) Acme (pizza and a brew)

4) Marks Texas Hots (late night)

5) The Little (shows off our sensitive/ intellectual side)

6) James Brown's Place (we really like Breakfast. I get the Dixie Plate)

7) Tap and Mallet (mouth watering food and drink)

8) 7-11 Meigs and Monroe (essential for energy drinks and snacks)

9) Public Market (our pseudo-bohemian side)

10) Jeremiah's (wings and beer)

Another craft night at Lux. Left, the handsome caricature Paul. Right, Me.

Paparazzi, we understand. It's a lifestyle we've chosen.

FACE-OFF THIS FRIDAY 10:30 PM

Will the mechanized undead have the programming to diffuse the ruthless incendiary comedy of the kamikaze, or will their hilarity short-circuit? Only one team will survive this theatrical duel...BE THERE to witness the heart-wrenching excitement first hand!

Warrior Children Rock Classic Song

In preparation for this inspiring performance of 'Eye of the Tiger', these kids were flown to the Siberian wilderness, where they were put through a grueling training regimen of carrying logs through the snow, doing inverted crunches while hanging from the rafters, and splitting timber with an axe. When they left America, there were enough kids to fill that auditorium. Watch the vid, and celebrate the brave, the few, the Survivors:

Water: A life source

Hello all, Nick here,

I have been ailing for the past few days with a terrible cough, fatigue, week joints, and a loss of appetite. So according to JZ's webmd and House medical philosophy, I could have anything from a common cold to Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis which is, as everyone knows, black lung disease. Regardless of what I may be afflicted with, I have kept one thing proudly by my side, a nice glass of water. For anyone who has ever gone out to eat with me they know how much of a fan of water i am, one waitress at the SouthWedge Diner knows to bring a large cup to the table when I com' a' eatin. But today I read the worst thing that could ever happen: 

"A British Woman must drink only diet coke, stay inside on rainy days, and avoid her 3-year-old son when he cries because she's developed an allergy to water. Michaela dutton, 21, breaks out in hives and blisters if she has any contact with water. 'I cannot do anything,' Dutton says. Her throat swells if she drinks anything but diet coke, and she must settle for one 30-second 

shower a week. Doctors have been unable to treat the condition, which afflicts one in 230 million people."

The poor woman has an allergy to water, to WATER. I read it in "The Week" so it was all in a blurb and it didnt say anything about her becoming allergic to herself. Or if she is the type of person has hasn't had a glass of water since she was twelve and all she has is diet coke. Imagine not being able to walk next to puddles for fear of a passing car, exercise, or eat soup. It is grim, but I am pretty sure I can rule this ailment out.

Bridging the Idiocy Gap

FROM THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Man pretending to fall off bridge actually falls
Published - Apr 23 2009 08:11PM EST

Police said a 23-year-old man is in stable condition after he pretended that he was falling off a bridge over the Minnesota River, then actually fell off the bridge. Police got a call just before 5 a.m. Sunday from a 21-year-old man who said his friend fell off the Highway 77 bridge and into a marshy area about 30 feet below.

The caller said he was driving north when his friend, who he said had been drinking, told him to pull into the bridge's emergency lane so he could urinate.

The 23-year-old stood eventually climbed to the ledge of the bridge, then looked at his friend and pretended to fall. "He then in fact fell," reads a press release from the Bloomingtin Police Department.

Police from Bloomington and Eagan responded, and the Eagan Fire Department used a chair lift to retrieve the man. He was transported to Hennepin County Medical Center where was treated.

We Were Young Once

An invaluable relic was found in GCI's official "vault of old stuff and things." This picture was taken around the time when current GCI members Ted Limpert and Paul Nellis first met back in the Spring of 2004. A time when both gentlemen attended the University of Rochester and joined forces to destroy the innocent in a production of Pterodactyls by Nicky Silver. A time when bushy side-burns and wife beaters were still out of style. A time when Paul and Ted were still unaware of how cool they really were, and what they would come to create in the future. A time when Paul wore a hat with a carrot on it... don't ask.

We also found this picture from around the same time. Paul always took spring cleaning extremley seriously.

GCI plan to film incoherent gorefest preempted by Japanese...

Geva Comedy Improv's hopes of producing the least-coherent horror movie ever made, tentatively titled 'Vacation Zombie Dance-Off', were today dashed by everyone's favorite celluloid extremists, the Japanese.

Said Prime Minister Taro Aso, "It sounded like GCI had a pretty sweet concept, marrying non-sequiters, slam-zooms and random cutaways with shocking violence and hideous overacting. However, the country that introduced the world to Urotsukidōji: Birth of the Overfiend couldn't let that pass. That's why our country is proud to stand behind 'Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl'. It's pretty special."

To produce the flick, Aso teamed with maniac director Yoshihiro Nishimura, the borderline psychopath behind the ludicrously inappropriate children's movie, Tokyo Gore Police.

Geva Comedy Improv spokesperson Chris Holden released this statement: "Naturally, when people think of nightmarish bloodshed and baffling plot-twists, they think of GCI. We really thought we had this locked up. I think our biggest mistake in pre-production was attempting some modicum of character development. We should have stuck to what we know."

A trailer for 'Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl' is below. It is not suitable for the fainthearted, or anyone who demands a narrative arc in their cinema.

I'm sick of these mother******* snakes on this mother******* plane!

From MSNBC

April 16, 2009
"MELBOURNE, Australia - Four baby pythons escaped from a container aboard a passenger plane in Australia, leading to a search that forced the cancellation of two flights, the airline said Thursday.Twelve non-venomous Smitten pythons were being transported Tuesday on a flight from Alice Springs to Melbourne in the plane's cargo area in a bag inside a plastic foam box with air holes.



When the flight landed, it was discovered that four snakes had escaped from the package, a Qantas spokeswoman said in a statement. A reptile expert searched for the 6-inch-long snakes but did not find them. It was not known if the snakes were still on the plane or if they had somehow escaped outside after the plane landed. In the meantime, the plane missed two flights it had been scheduled to fly and the passengers were transferred to other flights. When the snakes were not found, the airplane was fumigated and it returned to service on Wednesday. pythons, which can grow up to three feet long, live in western and central Australia and are not an endangered species."

This breaks my freaking heart.

This is apparently from a longer documentary you can see on Animal Planet. Kudos to whoever set it to Aerosmith!

GCI Makes Dreams Come True

Move over Make-A-Wish Foundation, get a life Disney World, GCI is in town and open for business (a business built on hopes and dreams). Young Michael Borden, a resident of Syracuse NY, had a simple wish to spend some quality time with GCI before he departs this cruel world. Well Mike Borden, why wait? It is true that this man was not suffering from any terminal illnesses, but upon closer inspection it became evident that Borden had a fever in his heart muscle, and the only perscription was more GCI. Miracles of kindness do happen, and we have the pictures to prove it! Notice the perfectly crafted smiles on GCI members Corinne, Nick, and TR, and the real, genuine smile on Borden's face (center). By placing this youthful dreamer in the center of the picture GCI made him feel as though the world revolved around him, and you know what, maybe for that one single moment it really did. Ted Limpert was the official photographer for the afternoon. Limpert refused to comment on why he was not asked to be included in the original photo, but it seems that the candid snapshot below pretty much speaks for itself.

Other members of GCI refused to be associated with this charitable event at all. GCI is what dreams are made of...

JZ's Body Apparently Rejecting His Left Arm.

Hey everybody, John here. Are you at all familiar with the term Golfer's Elbow? Neither was I until this past week. I learned about it recenlty when I came down with a case of it. As with any ailments I get, I can only assume that I have whatever the internet tells me I have. My personal health plan consists of Web MD and having watched a couple episodes of House. The best I can figure, there's a small tear in my tendon or ligament that causes light, random pain in the lower part of my left arm. That, or I've made some gypsy mad enough to cast a very weak curse on me.

Turns out you don't even need to play golf to get it, which begs the question: Why, then, call it Golfer's Elbow? Why name your injury after a sport that's less exciting than CSPAN2? It should be called Gladiator's Elbow!, or vigilante-tendonitis. Hell, even Bend-o-hurt sounds better than golfers elbow. Golfer's elbow sounds like a rash you get from an argyle sweater...

...If anyone needs me, I'll be icing my Gladiator's Elbow...

So what does one do with a blog? What do I write? Just tell folks about little tidbits in my life? Ok then, I'll let you in to the VIP Liam Scahill Show and share what I did tonight....I had some milk and cookies. They appear to be Oreos, but upon closer inspection the are Wegman's version called "W-o's!" or as I like to call them "Woes!" I imagine they are Joey Lawerence's favorite cookie.




Now many people have specific ways to eat an Oreo. I myself like the twist, lick, and eat approach, then fitting in a milk dunk with no twist every third Oreo. Sounds complicated, but I have sligh OCD. With this OCD comes disappointment and sadness when the twist is not perfect.

But either way it tastes oh so good. Watch for the next post when I'll discuss Chips A'hoy: Chunky vs. Chewey.

Is that a tastey monacle or a delicious eye patch?

Interactive Theater (The Unplanned Kind)

Saw this article from the NY Times...hilarious...

Compiled by STEVEN McELROY

Published: April 5, 2009

A spokesman for the Broadway production of Neil LaBute’s “reasons to be pretty” said Sunday that the show’s producers had beefed up the security detail at the Lyceum Theater following an incident at the Saturday evening performance. During the first act the character played by Marin Ireland lights into her ex-boyfriend, played by Thomas Sadoski, with a litany of all the things she believes are wrong with him. A male audience member must have found something a bit too personal in the verbal assault because he stood, called her a bitch twice, said a few other things that cannot be printed, and stormed out of the theater. For those in attendance: No, it was not part of the show.

Corinne's Great Love: K-Pop

Nature Vs. Nurture.

How much of our personality: our likes, dislikes, strengths and weakness, are learned and how much is predetermined?
A fascinating debate.

I will tell you one thing: my love for Korean Pop Culture is embedded deep in my genes. From the first time I saw it, I was in love. It was like a piece of me had been missing and I was finally whole. Some may consider it stereotypical but it's ingrained in me. I choose to embrace it.

From my Hello Kitty-laptop-keyboard-decals to my light up-Love-Bunny-cell-phone charm.
Nothing makes me more content than a hot bowl of Bi Bim Bap, some Kim Chi, and I Korean Pop Video.

Prepare to be mesmerized by the musical stylings of Lee Hyori: Korean Pop Goddess.


Nothing compares.

Lux Craft Night Inspires Provocative Masterpiece

It started out as a regular night out with the boys, nothing too flashy just drinking a few PBRs and making some memories. GCI members Ted, Paul, and TR are well known for their sociableness and deep appreciation for "good times." Lux was the obvious choice for the evening due to location, drink options, and coolness. Unbeknownst to these young gentlemen was the creativity and inspiration that lingered in the air. The evening was very successful; words were shared, libations were imbibed, and this artistic masterpiece was created:

H. Ted Limpert, the artist, comments on his artistically spasmodic creation: "It just came to me, like in a dream. There I was, and there was Paul and TR, I knew it had to be put to paper. The orange color is used to represent the heat of passion and desire for knowledge. I am represented in the background of the piece shouting "hey guys, wait up!!" meant to evoke the realization that although TR and Paul are ahead of me in wisdom and experience, they will wait for me to catch up. And there is an airplane."

It is near impossible to depict brilliance, love, and hope in one image, but this artist gets pretty damn close. If true beauty is defined by imperfections, then perhaps true perfection is actually quite imperfect as well...

GCI Luddites learn to blog

Select GCI members, longtime enemies of technology, were tonight educated on the workings of the GCI blog. Here they are, getting to grips with the clicking and pointing:















Look forward to future posts, fraught with typos, syntax errors, non-sequiturs and irrelevant gibberish...

GCI is beyond reproach...

Join us for Risqué Business on April 7 and 9 at 6:30pm
Hot times. Bad decisions. Cold beer.




Main Page

Ted Limpert is Scammed by the Interweb... for the Last Time

Some (Former Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens) say the internet is a series of tubes, others (wikipedia) say it is a global network of interconnected computers, Ted Limpert says that the world wide web is a communal harbor for cruelty, malicious deceit, and villainous trickery and its tyrannical reign must come to an end. Ted Limpert has been fooled by this interconnected monstrosity for the last time!

What has the internet brought to us other than a flood of virtual vices more addictive than the most dangerous illegal substances. It has created a stage for irritating people to comment on worldly events and carry on meaningless uninformed arguments. It allows everyone the equal opportunity to post their minute to minute activities that absolutely no one else cares about. And worst of all it has elevated the free-trial info-mercial universe to a frightening new level (freecreditreport.com I'm talkin' about you!). This is where Ted Limpert draws the line.

Yes the internet is also known as the "information highway," an educational resource made available to almost everyone, but have we gotten any smarter. Yes it is a vehicle for communication, striving to make this "small world" even smaller, but last time I checked a mile was still 5,280 feet. And yes it also provides an avenue for romance, connecting people with people (and sometimes providing a pathway that helps people connect better with themselves), but has it ever gotten me laid?! The answer is no. All it has done is given greedy vendors a place to say "hey, little innocent googler, here's 7 dvds for 49 cents each, isn't that a great deal?... OH WAIT, now you owe me 150 dollars and your soul." It is despicable, and I will accept no responsibility for reading or not reading license agreements, who has that kind of time?! The internet is the wicked witch of the east and Ted Limpert is bouts to drop a house on it's ass.

Al Gore may have created this beast, but it is up to us to destroy it! And we must do it before it is too late. Ever seen Transformers? Well Steve Jobbs has and he's planning to build one and take over the world with it. Seriously. Freecreditreport.com is only the beginning, before we know it the internet will be in total control. Heed this warning: the internet will destroy you.

Make sure to check back for updates on the revolution. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to email Ted Limpert. In the meantime I'm going to go poke people on Facebook.

Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me
Fool me thrice... and vengeance will be sweet.

JZ Buys House!!/ JZ Creeped-Out by House.

Hey, John here. A little while back I bought a house up in the Seabreeze neighborhood, in accordance with my well documented love of water-slides. Two weeks ago was the big move-in day, which was exciting, but then something happened. I had to start living in this house...alone. Now don't get me wrong, I've lived alone before and been fine, but it's always been in apartment buildings that have had other people around 24/7. Turns out, when you're the only person in a building (say, a house) it gets pretty creepy and/or ooky, depending on your dialect. The forms of creepyness experienced include the following:

• Wierd noises
• Echo-y acoustics
• Drafts (breezes, not NFL recuitment)
• Upstairs hallway devoid of light
• One first floor bathroom, meaning long trips in the middle of the night.
• Finally, and possibly most importantly: Questionable history- The house was built in 1925 and at some point (don't know when) moved into the neighborhood. That's 84 years that someone could have been murdered!! Or that ghostly brides could have lost their husbands, or that maniacs with hook-hands could have done their maniac-with-hook-hand thing!!

So next time you're comfortably sleeping in your apartment with your trusted room mate up the hall, keeping you safe, think of poor little JZ. Huddled in his cavernous bedroom, wishing he had a proton pack...

Goodnight and Godspeed

Rehearsal: where dreams are made..... and broken.

T.R. and Liam share a moment.


Nick, not wanting to be outdone, forces Liam to share a moment with him.




Paul and Corinne finally see each other for who they really are.



T.R. enacts his revenge on Nick for stealing his beloved Liam.


We're not really sure what's going on here, but it sure got Nick excited....

Chris Holden 0, Garbage Plate 1

This past weekend, we finally convinced Chris Holden to come out and eat a garbage plate.  As an immigrant to both our city and nation, Chris was trepidatious about eating Rochester's signature meal.  The ordeal is chronicled below in some pictures (or as Chris would call them, "snaps").

Nick is all pumped up for his cheeseburger plate with french fries and mac salad.  Chris ponders the logic behind such a combination.

Look out Chris!  You might not be hungry enough to finish!

In the end Paul and Nick were able to finish their plates, while Chris appeared sick to his stomach.  The great shame and dishonor he has brought to both his family and Mother England is sure to haunt him for months to come.

Woah...

Folks, you may want to cover the eyes of your wee ones before exposing your own more developed peepers on the following document of unbridled carnage.

Allow me to set the scene: it's Friday the 13th. People need to die. Ace Steele knows what needs to be done. That's all the setup you need.

A Not So Great Escape

(From MSNBC's Weird News)

Oops! Inmates' escape stopped by light pole
Two handcuffed men flee courthouse only to end up on the ground

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - Two prisoners in New Zealand are facing more charges, and major embarrassment over an escape attempt gone bad. The men were handcuffed together as they fled a courthouse, but apparently forgot that little fact as they ran to opposite sides of a light pole, with predictable results. The men slammed into each other and fell to the ground. End of escape. Jailers nabbed them as they struggled to their feet.

Their escapade on Wednesday was captured by a CCTV camera at Hastings District Court on New Zealand's North Island.The two were back in court today, facing fresh charges of escaping from custody.

Click the link below to watch the spectacular footage...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/28910197#28910197

McGurskey

The Man, The Legend - McGurskey. Check out the latest installment, hot from our January shows, and ask yourself - What Would McGurskey Do?

GCI on TV!

Check out our "Official" Time Warner Cable TV Commercial below and stay tuned for a soon to be released "Too Hot for TV We're all going to lose our jobs if this ever airs Version"...

Also be sure to check out Rochester On Demand Channel 111 for an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at life in Show Business, GCI style.

Resolution assistance from GCI

Hey, John here. As early January sets in and the haze of our New Years hangovers rolls away, we all start to remember the ridiculous resolutions we made on New Years Eve while full of hope and champagne. And what is the most common resolution of them all? To get into, or back into, some kind of decent shape. While a nice idea in theory, there is one massive obstruction to accomplishing this task: Motivation. It's important to sustain motivation and keep hitting the gym despite the throngs of other tubby people trying to get back into shape. Or to eat healthy despite the weather making you feel like you want to subsist on warm ranch dressing and double fried bacon. And what's the best way to keep motivated? Fictional movies!!

First on our list is the original Drunken Master staring Jackie Chan: This movie about a slacker who has to learn Drunken Boxing has a great getting in shape montage. Doing crunches while hanging upside down, pushups on his wrists, push ups on his FINGERS!!!, and beating up chinese street gangs, all keep Jackie lean and mean.


And that's on 8,000 calories of chinese wine per day!!

Next on our list is Predator: This is more of a "what-if" motivator. As in "what if I'm stuck in the South American jungle where a well equipped alien is hunting me for sport?". Well, in that scenario, I might suggest being as jacked as a 1987 Arnold Shwarzenegger. See, you're gonna need to be that jacked in order to lift the tree branches and logs necessary to make elaborate jungle death traps. Bet you'll be glad you hit the gym when you're impaling the Predator on that giant pungee spike-snare thing!


The muscles help him pull the trigger harder.

And finally on our list is 300: This one goes without saying. Look at those guys. Everybody -men and women- in the whole film is jacked, EVERYBODY. Well, not everybody, actually. The bad guys range from puny to straight up fat. There are some fit ones, but next to the spartans, they just look malnourished. Messages don't get much more clear than equating lack of jacked-ness with evil. All you need is a lifetime of training with a spear and a shield, and you'll be wearing the hell out of your red cape and loin-cloth in no time.

So there you have it. Three movies that will help keep the pounds off. At least until the Superbowl, when you eat nine pounds of chili-cream-cheese-nacho-dip, and butter-basted-salami-poppers.

Happy New Year!!! -JZ

NEW YEAR’S EVE MAINSTAGE SPECTACULAR!
One Night, Two Shows, A Hell of a Party.











Join Geva Comedy Improv this New Year’s Eve for an unparalleled evening of comedic entertainment and nostalgic revelry as we bid a fond farewell to 2008 and usher in 2009 with all the glitz, glamour, and splendor it deserves. It’s the not-to-be-missed party of the year – so be sure to mark your calendars and book your tickets early.

WEDNESDAY December 31st, 2008
Shows at 7:30 pm and 10:30 pm
The Mainstage at Geva Theatre Center
75 Woodbury Blvd, Rochester NY 14607

We’ve swiped the keys to the Mainstage and are gearing up for our biggest show of the year with all the magic and excitement you can expect from GCI’s troupe of talented young performers. We’re busy tuning our voices, timing our dance moves and stretching our funny muscle for an action packed evening of wit, witticism, and impromptu onstage acrobatics.

Featuring live music, live performers, a cash bar with the lowest prices in town, prizes, a champagne toast at Midnight, and an epic after show party sure to crack the underlying foundation of the theatre. Check out the coolest live comedy performance this side of the International Date Line for an unprecedented New Year’s Eve event!

Shows are at 7:30 pm and 10:30 pm in the Mainstage of Geva Theatre Center, and ticket prices range from $15-$20! Group discount for parties of 5 or more available. Special discounted ticket packages available for a limited time only, so get your tickets early and don’t miss out on the best New Year’s deal in town!

Get the details and your tickets at Geva Comedy Improv or by calling 232-Geva (4382).

With so much fun packed into a single event, we had to get a special permit from the city to temporarily waive the municipal excitement ordinance - Be there, or your entire 2009 year is going to be lame…

GCI PRESENTS: Thanksgiving Safety 101

-----------------------FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE-----------------------
Jump start your shortened work week and prepare yourselves for the unavoidable Turkey-Day lethargy by kickin’ back and watching the most thankful GCI show since last Thanksgiving….






Geva Comedy Improv – SNOW-VEMBER SHOWS!




Friday November 21, 10:30 PM – THANKSGIVING FACE-OFF! Pilgrims VS. Turkeys
A special Thanksgiving edition of our Face-Off show in which two long-time bitter rivals will duke it out for honor, glory, and….pie. Will the puritanical Pilgrims pray their way to a poultry prize or will the Tryptophan toting Turkeys triumph? Come and watch the hot gravy covered action as it unfolds right before your hungry eyes based on audience suggestions. At the end of the night, the victors get to eat the losing team in a grandiose feast of thanks-for-giving-up-the-fight.

Saturday November 22 – A NUCLEAR FAMILY THANKSGIVING
It all starts at the breakfast table when three quirky family members of the audiences’ choice part ways and embark upon their own ill-fated adventures fueled by your suggestions. No matter what the stakes or where the day takes them, they’ve got to be home in time for Thanksgiving dinner…cornbread stuffing-filled hilarity and cranberry-topped excitement is sure to ensue.

Both shows are at 10:30 pm in the Nextstage at Geva Theatre Center, and they only cost $7! It’s cheaper than a turkey and funnier than a pilgrim – so bring your friends, enjoy our super cheap drink specials, and dream of mashed potatoes and green bean casserole while you suckle the juice from our funny bones.

Get your tickets online at http://www.gevacomedyimprov.org/ or by calling 232-Geva (4382).
Be there Squanto, or the Turkey gets it!


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NOVEMBER SHOWS

Confounded technology has prevented us from updating our main page. We therefore have been unable to tell you that we have shows this November, on Friday 21 and Saturday 22, both at 10:30pm. If you show up and we're not there, it means that the evil Dr. Science, tiring of our attempts to make the website work, has turned us into tiny clockwork slaves for his dungeon laboratory. In which case, please send help!

Unprecedented Thriller footage

Here at Geva Comedy Improv, we don't usually practice our dancing.  But when Nick revealed he knew the Thriller dance we all jumped at the opportunity to learn.  Here's us with a near perfect thriller only hours before the zombie horror that struck the Nextstage.

GCI Infects Nextstage with Zombie Awesomeness

Halloween Weekend 2008 - Saturday night's Zombie Movie was a flesh-devouring monster of a show! Thanks to all of our volunteers who helped make it one of our strongest ever shows, and a big shout out to everyone who came to watch. Hopefully you all had as much fun as we did. Look for some pictures from the weekend to be posted to the media page on our website in the coming days. BRAAAAAAIIINS!

+++UPDATE+++
Pictures are up, and check out the only surviving footage from the end of the show. Top that, George Romero!