Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Resolution assistance from GCI

Hey, John here. As early January sets in and the haze of our New Years hangovers rolls away, we all start to remember the ridiculous resolutions we made on New Years Eve while full of hope and champagne. And what is the most common resolution of them all? To get into, or back into, some kind of decent shape. While a nice idea in theory, there is one massive obstruction to accomplishing this task: Motivation. It's important to sustain motivation and keep hitting the gym despite the throngs of other tubby people trying to get back into shape. Or to eat healthy despite the weather making you feel like you want to subsist on warm ranch dressing and double fried bacon. And what's the best way to keep motivated? Fictional movies!!

First on our list is the original Drunken Master staring Jackie Chan: This movie about a slacker who has to learn Drunken Boxing has a great getting in shape montage. Doing crunches while hanging upside down, pushups on his wrists, push ups on his FINGERS!!!, and beating up chinese street gangs, all keep Jackie lean and mean.

And that's on 8,000 calories of chinese wine per day!!

Next on our list is Predator: This is more of a "what-if" motivator. As in "what if I'm stuck in the South American jungle where a well equipped alien is hunting me for sport?". Well, in that scenario, I might suggest being as jacked as a 1987 Arnold Shwarzenegger. See, you're gonna need to be that jacked in order to lift the tree branches and logs necessary to make elaborate jungle death traps. Bet you'll be glad you hit the gym when you're impaling the Predator on that giant pungee spike-snare thing!

The muscles help him pull the trigger harder.

And finally on our list is 300: This one goes without saying. Look at those guys. Everybody -men and women- in the whole film is jacked, EVERYBODY. Well, not everybody, actually. The bad guys range from puny to straight up fat. There are some fit ones, but next to the spartans, they just look malnourished. Messages don't get much more clear than equating lack of jacked-ness with evil. All you need is a lifetime of training with a spear and a shield, and you'll be wearing the hell out of your red cape and loin-cloth in no time.

So there you have it. Three movies that will help keep the pounds off. At least until the Superbowl, when you eat nine pounds of chili-cream-cheese-nacho-dip, and butter-basted-salami-poppers.

Happy New Year!!! -JZ

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