Monday, March 30, 2009

Ted Limpert is Scammed by the Interweb... for the Last Time

Some (Former Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens) say the internet is a series of tubes, others (wikipedia) say it is a global network of interconnected computers, Ted Limpert says that the world wide web is a communal harbor for cruelty, malicious deceit, and villainous trickery and its tyrannical reign must come to an end. Ted Limpert has been fooled by this interconnected monstrosity for the last time!

What has the internet brought to us other than a flood of virtual vices more addictive than the most dangerous illegal substances. It has created a stage for irritating people to comment on worldly events and carry on meaningless uninformed arguments. It allows everyone the equal opportunity to post their minute to minute activities that absolutely no one else cares about. And worst of all it has elevated the free-trial info-mercial universe to a frightening new level ( I'm talkin' about you!). This is where Ted Limpert draws the line.

Yes the internet is also known as the "information highway," an educational resource made available to almost everyone, but have we gotten any smarter. Yes it is a vehicle for communication, striving to make this "small world" even smaller, but last time I checked a mile was still 5,280 feet. And yes it also provides an avenue for romance, connecting people with people (and sometimes providing a pathway that helps people connect better with themselves), but has it ever gotten me laid?! The answer is no. All it has done is given greedy vendors a place to say "hey, little innocent googler, here's 7 dvds for 49 cents each, isn't that a great deal?... OH WAIT, now you owe me 150 dollars and your soul." It is despicable, and I will accept no responsibility for reading or not reading license agreements, who has that kind of time?! The internet is the wicked witch of the east and Ted Limpert is bouts to drop a house on it's ass.

Al Gore may have created this beast, but it is up to us to destroy it! And we must do it before it is too late. Ever seen Transformers? Well Steve Jobbs has and he's planning to build one and take over the world with it. Seriously. is only the beginning, before we know it the internet will be in total control. Heed this warning: the internet will destroy you.

Make sure to check back for updates on the revolution. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to email Ted Limpert. In the meantime I'm going to go poke people on Facebook.

Fool me once shame on you
Fool me twice shame on me
Fool me thrice... and vengeance will be sweet.

No comments:

Post a Comment