Monday, November 14, 2005

Fiasco: Lake Boat Update

The following are the characters that have so far appeared on Lake Boat:

Brad Lacey – (Chris) Former Steward Person and host of the ship.
Steve – (Brian) The First Mate and a general bad ass.
Gerald Thomas Lichtenstein – (Tim) The engineer of the Lake Boat and rough Texan.
Dr. Allen “Al” Qaeda – (Swithin) Doctor from Pakistan who uses the boat to smuggle prescription drugs.
Captain Barney Rotten – (Paul) Captain of the Lake Boat and a grizzled sea dog.
Reginald Warren Worthington II – (Mike) Rich playboy and secret agent.
Nancy O’Brian – (Beki) Divorcee with two kids and a drinking problem.
Rosemary Duncan – (Joanna) The boat’s interpreter with a keen sense of the supernatural.
Eamon Larkin – (Liam) Irish stowaway in search of his father.
Chester A. Arthur – (Charley) A mysterious man with mysterious powers.
Joshua - (Liam) A Nazi.

On last week’s episode of Fiasco:

The crew was on a much needed shore leave when Captain Barney Rotten became mysteriously ill while hanging out with Brad and Rosemary at an ambiguously gay nightclub called Tinsel. Steve wasted no time and quickly assumed command of the boat. He became delirious with his new power. It was not long before the cause of the Captain’s illness was found – poison! The passengers and crew naturally assumed that Steve was to blame.

Meanwhile Rosemary met a strange man/boy named Joshua (Liam) who invited her to a house party. He could dance like the wind, but he had a dark secret which would put the lives of the passengers and crew in peril. Gerald and Nancy searched Monroe County for a mysterious “Matrix” that would aid Gerald in a devious scheme. Chester and Eamon took a tour of Rochester, stopping for a famous garbage plate. Eamon had never had a hot dog before, but Chester assured him that it was “like the corned beef that you had at your mother’s funeral, but in a tube.”

The Captain recovered from his poisoning and Brad smuggled him aboard the ship. He was determined to scuttle any plans of Steve’s, but only after he presided over Eamon and Rosemary’s Irish engagement (we are told that these are extended affairs that can take years before the actual wedding). However, Reginald was the one to get revenge by kicking Steve’s ass with his Vatican kung-foo. Beaten and with a broken spirit, Steve retreated to the lower decks. Rosemary stumbled upon Joshua who had sneaked aboard the ship. He took her hostage and revealed that he had been poisoning the tuna in order to kill the crew and eventually the entire developing world. Naturally, he was a Nazi and was using the Lake Boat because it had been an old Nazi war experiment before the Allies had taken her and subsequently sold her to Monroe County.

An epic fight ensued with each person taking on Joshua one on one (Eamon vs. Joshua was the highlight of the brawl). This never worked for the Ninja Turtles and it didn’t work for the citizens of the Lake Boat. Joshua’s Nazi powers were too strong. Brad recognized that there was only one thing that could defeat Joshua and that was the power of freedom (with a little help from Steve). You see, Steve has two tattoos of the World Trade Center towers- one on each bicep. When his arms are at his side, the towers lay on the ground, a grim reminder of that day in September. But when Steve flexes his muscles in a classic pose the towers stand erect - a symbol of enduring freedom. Well, when Steve flashed his muscles the Towers rose and Joshua fell so that Steve had the chance to land one fatal blow. Joshua was finished and the boat was saved, but all was not well.

The Captain had been flung overboard in the fight, and a school of Tuna carried him to Africa. Reginald was apparently killed, but his body was never found. Gerald still had something up his sleve and it wasn't a crescent wrench.

Will the Captain return? Is Worthington dead? What will that crazy Texan do next? Will the Irish engagement between Rosemary and Eamon last? The only way to find out is to watch the next episode of FIASCO!

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