Monday, May 03, 2010

An Open Letter to Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera, put on your pants young lady!

Christina (or Xtina?), there is no denying your phenomenal voice. Your voice is very large which is surprising because you are very little! It is a bit frightening! I know this, because I went to see you live and you scared me a little (Editor’s note: You scared me a lot) because your speaking voice is soft, but when you belt out, you melt faces! My face was one of them. This is not what one would expect out of a small, blonde lady. Ms. Aguilera you are indeed talented.

Having said that, I do not understand this video you got going on here. What the hell is this? You do not need to wear PVC boots. Between you and me (and the GCI community) you can really sing as compared to your contemporaries (love you Britney, but girl, you know you can’t sing). That’s your calling card, your majestic unicorn voice. Let Gaga be Gaga (living performance art that is freaky but lovable). Let Madonna be Madonna (Demanding your attention AT ANY COST, but also lovable). You just be Christina Aguilera, not Xtina. Don’t crawl on the floor and lick up that milk. Stop dancing in that church. Leave that nice tied up lady alone.

Christina Aguilera, put on your pants young lady!

Respectfully yours,


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