Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Local BBQ vanishes, Improvisers suspected

Troupe members from Geva Comedy Improv may have ordered, picked up, and then consumed food products from local barbecue supplier, Dinosaur BBQ, sources have told us. The incident purportedly occurred at approximately 8:45pm on Monday evening. Initial eyewitness reports give some indication of what happened.

"It went down lickety split, yo", Dinosaur BBQ patron Moira Rafnatty (pictured) told us. "I was hangin' in line to be seated, fo' real, when these two guys busted in, grabbed these wacky sacks of food and then boogied on out". When asked why she suspected the men of being improvisers, Rafnetty could only specify "Thems got the crazy-eye".

This wouldn't be the first time that Geva Comedy Improv has been implicated in the disappearance of consumables from Dinosaur BBQ. In September, 2004, local bikers confronted a man who had been seen loitering in the area. When diners became concerned, the bikers detained him until the authorities arrived. Clearly distressed, his only answer when questioned about his identity was "Yes, And pulled pork". Similar events have been reported monthly since the troupe was formed in 2002.

GCI spokesman Timothy 'T-Rizzle' Ryan was asked to comment on the situation. "The facts aren't clear, goddamn it", Ryan said. "but I must stress that improvisers are people too. When I cut them, do they not bleed?". He then proceeded to offer us a greasy wad of Kenyan 100 Shilling bills.

Ryan refused to confirm or deny reports that troupe member Nick 'Nick' DiCola (pictured) was seen leaving Geva Theatre Center (where the troupe performs) at approximately 9:45pm with a red, sauce-like stain on his otherwise unblemished shorts.

Calls to DiCola for comment were not returned. At this time, authorities are encouraging local barbecue restaurant owners to remain calm and vigilant. City officials also released the following advice for members of the public, in the event that they encounter a BBQ-laden improviser:

1) Make plenty of wild, sudden movements, so that you are not mistaken for a slab of delicious, smoked brisket.

2) If you are extremely rich or attractive, proffering up a bag of money or your phone number may distract the improviser long enough to escape.

3) If the improviser attempts to engage you in conversation, respond only with contradictions, denials and rhetorical questions. The improviser will hopefully lose interest in you.

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