C3PO Caught in Intergalactic Sexting Scandal

Beloved robot-slave, C3PO, was caught sending lude text messages to an unknown recipient. C3PO has released the following statement:

"After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional human-cyborg relations. I need to focus my attention on being a better domestic worker, human companion, and life partner to R2D2."

HEY! Old man Scahill-move it!

Every once in a while I like to hit the street scene and paint the town red with savings. But apparently this is how others see me:




Cause last night at ACME some young woman needed to get bye me and said, "Excuse me sir."

Sir? SIR? Is my hair line that far gone? Have I lost my youthful exuberance? Should I contact the AARP and cash in my social security now?

Just when I had convinced myself to throw in the towel on my youth and strap on some Depends, another young woman needed to get bye and said "Excuse me honey." That's right, I'm not a "sir", I'm a "honey." It made me feel better. It made me feel so good I went home early to get some sleep.

T.R.'s Christmas Wish List: Item #1

1. A puppy. Not just any puppy - this one!



I have to admit, originally I wasn't really impressed with Gaylord's "Tricks" but after watching this commercial several times, all of the (not-so) thinly veiled homoerotic innuendo (I stopped counting after 7) had me sold...

"Gaylord comes with a bone of his own!"

Palinator 2: Judgement Day

In recent news, scientists discovered that Alaskan rogue-renegade Sarah Palin is actually a cyborg assasin sent from the future to quell any existence of an intellectual humanoid-revolution. Her mission is to find and destroy John Connor and his extremely masculine mother. When asked about the situation, California Governor Arnold Schwarzeneggar released the following statement:

"To quote my good friend Danny Glover, "I'm too old for this shit""

Subsequently when asked to comment, actor Christian Bale flipped out and threw what experts have called a "child-like temper tantrum."

Reading: Possibly No Longer "Just for chumps".

Hey it’s John and I’ve got exciting news! Reading may no longer be just for jerks and losers!! That’s right! I’ve recently discovered three books that make it actually worthwhile to go to the effort of reading for one’s entertainment. It’s still too soon to get a definitive answer, but reading could potentially be as worthy an activity as water balloon fights, or even building a fort out of couch cushions! Let’s examine these three maverick books with the guts to defy logic, and be entertaining:

• First on our list is Badass: I’ve just finished reading this book, so I know first hand how not-lame it is. It details the lives of the 40 most badass people in history. Some entries include Alexander the Great, Vlad the Impaler, Nicolai Tesla, and George S. Patton. The real strength of this book is that it isn’t afraid to use plain English in its descriptions, using such terms as “Face explodingly awesome”, or referring to “Crotch stomping brilliance”. Definitely worth a read, especially for fans of history or violence.

• Next up is George Carlin’s Last Words: Let’s face it; anything that comes out of Carlin’s brain is worthwhile. I read his other books without hesitation and loved them. You should love them too. If you don’t that’s ok, you’re just wrong is all. Anyway, it’s nice to at least have this one last serving of George to go out on.

• Lastly, we have Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Finally, a way to make Jane Austen (whoever that is) tolerable. While closely following the original story about uptight people at prissy dances, this book interrupts the lack of action with zombie attacks, and kung-fu skills. While I haven’t read it yet, it seems like the best bet for me to make it through a story about Victorian high society.

You’ll notice that these books have a distinct lack of teen vampires and boy wizards, and that’s just how I like it. With the advent of these three books, the prospect of reading is looking less ridiculous every day!! Enjoy.

Don't forget to read post about Holiday Shows below this one.

Whoever says they hate Jimmy Fallon, or can't believe he is hosting Late Night, hasn't seen the video below


Spot on Neil Young impression!

GCI's Special Holiday Shows

While you wait with baited breath for the GCI New Year's Eve Show, you can still get your improv fix at our December Holiday Special on the 18 and 19. View more details on our Facebook Fan page, and sign up with Facebook to receive a special discount on tickets to New Year's Eve. Huzzah!

GCI Holiday Shows on Facebook

WORLD OF BOOM

Today's World of Boom is brought to you by the letter GIANT ROBOT, by the number KABOOM, and the color EXPLODATHON. Enjoy:

Ted's Futuristic Letter Home This Thanksgiving... From the Future.

NOVEMBER 24 YEAR 5 AED

Dear Mouth-Feeders,

I shall not return to our family moonstead this november for Thanksgiving, I am too caught up in the homo sapien revolution. The robotic army has grown strong, and we are running out of fuel for our jet boots. Even his holyness, Will Smith, is losing hope. I fear the worst.

I hope to return home for the new world holidays, to celebrate the mass-moon-migration of the humanitarian radicals in 2011. I have received word from the old world that Sarah Palin-Christ has been officially elected King of Planet America.

I must go, the robots are coming, long live the homo uprising!

-Cpt. Theodore Human
M.S.S. Galileo

Ps. Send more moon cookies.

Ninja Assassin

A lot of buzz has been going around the GCI Headquarters about the new movie Ninja Assassin. I had not really heard about the film so I asked the boys who was in it. Their response: "No one famous". After researching the film on-line, I cannot believe they told me no one. NO ONE? RAIN- KOREAN POP SUPER STAR IS NOT NO ONE!!!!!

Watch these clips and educate yourself about the world famous entertainer Rain.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen vs. Rain
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

T.R.'s Puritanical Letter Home this Thanksgiving

Dearest Sisters,

Such delight to hear pleasing word from the homestead! It is a comforting thought indeed to know that much of the family will be gathered in celebration to mark this great day - Christ be praised! Alas, the journey home is a long one and I am needed here in the upstate settlement. The harvest has not been as bountiful as in years past, and there is a talk among the settlers that the coming winter months will be harsh and unforgiving. This strange flu has swept mercilessly across these western territories and our own Captain Williamson has been stricken. Williamson is a wise and fair leader, but in the clutches of this Suinaen plague, many of us fear that he dances on the brink of madness - the villagers need my reassuring presence in these trying times.

We all celebrate this day of thanks differently; although my earthly body will remain here in the settlement, my mind and thoughts shall be of Mother's pumpkin pie, Father's recounting of the fall hunt and the shining joy in young Constance's bright blue eyes as the feast is unveiled. Where'er that feast is prepared, so to shall go my heart.

Your loving brother,

Thaddeus Obediah Ryan

P.S. If the heavenly father so wills it, I am hopeful to make the long journey Eastward for the Christian Winter Holidays. Vouchsafe my love to the family - especially the young ones, oh my how I am sure they have grown!

"Oh my Holy Crap"

We here at GCI are waiting with bated breath for the release of this cinematic masterpiece...

The Weather Report from Ted

Why does it rain? Must the clouds extemporaneously void their bowels on us? Seemingly without concern they defecate on our innocently exposed heads. I don't pee out of airplane windows or shit upwards... I would ask, of the clouds, the same courtesy.

Or is it Mother Nature crying? Who has hurt her? Is it so terrible that she must cry on everyone's shoulder? She seems to get violently emotional on a regular basis (not unlike a woman). I don't think I would date her, I have enough problems of my own. Perhaps that is why she cries. Sorry Mother Nature, it's not you, it's me, I'm just... not looking for anything too serious right now.

Oh rain, you illusive minx.

"They Just Tazed The Hulk!"

October, 31st 2009. Rochester, NY.

As we get older, and more mature, it becomes readily apparent that the time for trick-or-treating quickly disappears, like a 'slutty' ladybug's dignity after a few shots of tequila. Nobody wants to be the only one with a real beard in a group of pre-pubescent trick-or-treaters dressed as Al Boreland from Home Improvement. So, what is to replace this remarkable childhood pass time... well, how about some good, ol' fashioned intoxication? Halloween style.

Nothing compares to dressing up like your favorite superhero and getting super "messed" up, or if you're a girl, wearing your underwear and animal ears. And feel free to throw maturity and inhibition completely to the birds. If you dress like Batman and don't talk in a deep raspy voice all night, then you are a failure. If a nice older couple would have thought twice about giving you candy at their door, then you just haven't worked hard enough. If you chose to be Lady-Gaga, and you're wearing pants... unacceptable.

We must, however, bow down to those Halloweeners that go above and beyond, and really make this holiday a special one. This year there was an almost too-real Predator costume on A-street. Nick DiCola spotted this dedicated individual and attempted to shout his excited approval of the detailed costume, when the Predator menacingly turned it's head toward Nick and instantaneously vanished. Another Halloweener, disguised as a "sloppily drunk" criminal, took it upon himself to get into a confrontation with real cops. He stayed in character as a police officer hand-cuffed him and threw him in the back of a real squad car. Bravo, mr. commitment, bravo.

But the MVP award for the night goes to an epic occurrence that a few cast members of GCI, and their friend Betty Boop, had the privilege of witnessing on the way to a costume party. Check this out:

While waiting at a stop light, on the corner of Alexander and East a commotion burst out in front of Monte's Korner. People were running in all directions. All of a sudden the Incredible Hulk, in the midst of a fitful, alcohol-inspired rage, exploded from the crowd followed closely by a group of RPD officers in hot pursuit. Almost simultaneously upon the appearance of the enraged Hulk, he fell to the pavement motionless. An on-looker exclaimed, most appropriately, "HEY! They just tazed the Hulk!" To which the crowd responded with a loud, synchronized chant "HULK! HULK! HULK!" like an inspirational moment in a sports movie. Neither the cause, nor the resolution, of this situation is known. All we do know, is that even though Tanks, Helicopters, and the US Army are no match for the Incredible Hulk... get a few drinks in him, and the RPD can take him down with a taser.

No pictures or videos of this event were found, but watch this, it's funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSYlxzCHvKg

"Sometimes the Big Guys need two shots."

Anyway, we hope you all had a safe and eventful Halloween. Enjoy the leftover candy, and make sure to check out our Thanksgiving shows.

GCI Zombie Mania spreads Westward

Ironically, the following incident occurred just about an hour after GCI's Improv of the Living Dead show last night. Although I hesitate to imply that our performance inspired such an act (for legal reasons), I would like to officially state that the entire GCI cast was in no way, shape or form involved in the following (rock solid alibi available upon request) , nor do we condone such actions, but nonetheless would have fought our way through a horde of flesh-craving undead to witness the incident mentioned below first hand...

Associated Press

Man ordering food called a zombie, punched twice

Published - Oct 25 2009 12:37PM EDT

IOWA CITY, Iowa— Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.

A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.

The man then ran out a back door.

The victim was taken by ambulance to a hospital.


Link to AP Article

WORLD OF BOOM - Halloween Edition

For your seasonal viewing pleasure, watch as this big pumpkin gets blown apart. Geva Comedy Improv would like to remind you that trying this yourself is probably dangerous, and wasteful of delicious, terrifying pumpkin.

Found my Fall Jam

As I was cruising the streets of Webster on my way to work, I heard this song on the radio and my street cred instantly sky-rocketed. If I had to choose a personal soundtrack, a song everyone would hear in their own heads as I walked towards them in slow motion, well then this song would be it...barely beating out "Uptown Girls." Give a whirl on your ear drums, if you don't know its called "Forever."

Liam

NB: They do use some "cuss" words

Zombie's Attack... WWJD?

With the epic "Improv of the Living Dead" show fast approaching, I have been brushing up on my survival skills, hoping to increase my probability of long-term, post-disaster endurance. But how does one prepare for the unpredictable? Well, how about taking a facebook quiz.

In general, I try to steer clear of Facebook quizzes and apps, it helps me to deny my fixation and ultimate dependency on technology, but I had to know... HOW LONG WILL I SURVIVE? The quiz asks the obvious question of what would would one equip oneself with: which melee weapon, what would you throw, what pet would you deploy, et cetera, et cetera. So, I chose the obvious answers: Katana, frag grenades, and a bear. I was overjoyed when I got the result of two weeks... TWO WEEKS! I thought "yeah, that sounds reasonable, I can do that!" However, it was not long before self-doubt began to infect my positive thinking...

Questions flew through my mind: Where am I going to find frag grenades? How will I convince "Pongo," my pet bear, to defend me? Isn't Katana that chick from Mortal Kombat?! Two weeks is an awfully long time. Then I thought "hold on a second, do I even want to last two weeks?" Move over doubt, here comes depression and self-loathing. If everyone else is already a Zombie, wouldn't I rather just join the brain-eating party? What if I have to repopulate the world all by myself? Does Katana even want to have children? Isn't she like 10,000 years old? Who knows where she's been? Gross.

The only way I pulled out of this slump was by finding hope in a dream, one in which I was trapped in a house boat by the government, much like in Quarantine (see it, it will mess you up!), but instead of a zombie-like disease my fellow prisoners and I turned into vampires. The boat sank, and I swam, then flew to safety.

So, now I have returned to a state of detached curiosity, seeking solace in the survive-ability of others. Who else would be around after the frag grenades hit the fan? I find myself wondering about all kinds of people. How long would Genghis Khan have survived? Would Tango and Cash make it? Now, I am not a god-fearing man, and I've never seriously asked this question, but if zombies did attack... What Would Jesus Do? Am I right? I mean, I'm interested. Then I wonder WWOD? What Would Obama Do? Better yet, what would Dick Cheney do? He obviously wouldn't blink an eye, if he had to shoot a friend in the head.

Anyway, that's all for now, I wish you the best of luck in your own personal struggles with the question of survive-ability. Meanwhile, go see the new movie Zombieland AND check out our ZOMBIE SHOW on October 24th at 10:30pm.

Fondly yours,

Ted

Hugh Jackman is True American Hero.

So apparently Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman and Daniel "Bond" Craig are starring together in some sort of Broadway play about Chicago cops. It sounds pretty badass. What is not badass, but AWESOME and HILARIOUS, is the way Jackman handled a cell phone going off while they were performing said play. Check it out.

Don't judge us for stealing content from TMZ. We love this guy! And TMZ! Also, day-old pizza. True story: This one time Tim Ryan once survived for a week and a half on a discarded sheet pizza. You see he ordered a sheet pizza for a "movie night" but then only Paul Nellis showed up (because Paul has no life) and could only eat like two slices and a buffalo wing.

The JZ Technique

Attention: this post has nothing to do with rapping... different JZ.

Hey everybody, John here. So here's a common situation: You're out watchin' the game, havin' some buffalo wings.

Now, with you're wings you like some bleu cheese (This is America, we like some bleu cheese with our heart pills). Of course you eat the drumstick shaped wings first, they're easier to dip, easier to eat, and arguably taste better. So now your stuck with the wing part of the wings, and this is where the problem comes in. You've got a long, flat piece of wing, and a circular bleu chees cup!! What the hell!?! well, this is where the JZ technique comes into play. You may or may not have noticed that when you get your buffalo wings, they come with about 4 celery sticks. As it turns out, thes sticks are for more than angrily hurling to the ground. Think of these sticks as paint-brushes, to paint the delicious, cheese covered wings you crave. That's right! By using the celery as an applicator, you can put as much bleu chees on those chicken fore arms as you want.

Use this secret wisely, for until they make bleu cheese holders in the shape of a radius and ulna, it's the only way to get that sweet bleu-gold into your veins!!