Chef Corinne!

If any of you don't know, I am the Resident Chef of the group.
I keep the bellies full in order to power the lovely brains
and quick wit of the boys.

It's become a tradition that after rehearsal on Mondays
we gather for family dinner. Some of my greatest hits
have been enchiladas, rosemary sausage stew, and Chicken Maryland.

While I may not be the only chef, Ted and Tr have been known
to throw quite a hearty meal on the table, I am the reigning
Queen of Family Dinner.

Today I'm going to share my top secret recipe for:

Fatty D and Big Dipper's Ultimate Pasta

*Disclaimer: Most of my cooking is done by "eye-balling it" and loose terms like "a smidge" or "you know, just add as much as you want" or "cook it 'till it's done" are not cullinary persay...so sorry ahead of time.

Ingredients:
flour (3 tbs-ish)
butter (a good knob)
half and half (the little box)
chicken stock (one can)
shrimp
chicken
parmesean cheese
mozzarella cheese
onion
garlic
pasta (we like linguini)

1) Boil salted water for pasta and cook as recommended on the package. Drain and set aside.
2) In a sautee pan, melt butter, add garlic and onion finely chopped, add flour to make a rue and cook for about a minute on medium to cook off the flour taste.
3) Slowly add half and half, mix in roux until there are no chunks of flour and the sauce will thicken.
4) Add 2 handfuls of mozzarella and shake in parmesean until your heart is content. Stir and melt into the white sauce.
5) Thin out sauce by slowly adding chicken broth until you get your desired thickness.
6) In a seperate pan, cook 6 pieces of bacon until crispy. Set aside to cool, empty out bacon grease but leave enough to coat the bottom of the pan. Cook chicken in the same pan. Remove chicken from the pan and cook shrimp until no longer pink.
7) Chop chicken and bacon to bite size pieces and add the the sauce. Add shrimp the the sauce.
8) Plate pasta and pour the sauce over the pasta and enjoy.

Hope my directions were clear enough. If you don't know how to cook chicken all the way through or often set grease fires, do not attempt this recipe.
Ted and I love this dish and we hope you do too!

Look for more vauge yet delicious recipes in the weeks to come!

Ode to Silliness

Sadly this year I am going to miss the Geva Comedy Improv Retreat (however, we don't ever retreat so we call it an "Attack"). The Attack is held on the sacred grouns of the Limpert family cottage on Lake Ontario. It's a weekend of planning, grilled meats, hearty breakfasts, camp fires, having a blasty on the beach, 21 and over cocktails, sand in shoes, and a 2:00am beach wrestling match with John Zaffino. Its hard to capture the fun with words so maybe these vids will paint a nice picture for ya.


Liam Scoockle

NEW WEAPON TURNS FIRE ANTS INTO HEADLESS ZOMBIES

Published - May 13 2009 09:42AM EDT
From the Associated Press
Researchers in Texas are trying an unusual approach to combat fire ants _ deploying parasitic flies that turn the pesky and economically costly insects into zombies whose heads fall off.

The biting, territorial fire ants cost the Texas economy about $1 billion annually by damaging electrical equipment, according to a Texas A&M study. They can also threaten young calves.

But now the researchers are trying a tiny phorid fly, native to a region of South America where the fire ants originated. Researchers have learned that fire ants in their home region are kept under control by as many as 23 phorid species.

The flies lay eggs on the fire ants, and the eggs hatch into maggots inside the ant and eat away at the pest's tiny brain.

The ant will get up and wander for about two weeks while the maggot feeds, said Rob Plowes, a research associate at the University of Texas at Austin.

"There is no brain left in the ant, and the ant just starts wandering aimlessly," he said.

About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off _ and a new fly emerges ready to attack another fire ant.

"They're not going to completely wipe out the fire ant, but it's a way to control their population," said Scott Ludwig, an integrated pest management specialist with Texas A&M's AgriLife Extension Service in Overton, in East Texas.

Four phorid species have been introduced in the state since 1999. They don't attack native ants or other species and have been introduced in other Gulf Coast states, Plowes told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

But it will take time to determine if the flies are effective in Texas, perhaps as long as a decade.

Corinne and Ted Fly to NYC; Terrorist Alert is Raised to Fuschia

GCI members Corinne Magin and Ted Limpert recently travelled to the big apple with no ill-intentions. However, the US Department of Homeland Security caught wind of their suspiciously frivolous activities and went on high alert dark-pink. This suspicious photo was released of the two (potential) security-threats travelling in a small-aircraft...Magin and Limpert were lost by an expert surveillance team at an airport in Newark. The following day, by what the CIA referred to as "dumb luck," the two were picked up on a Russian satellite at the Empire State Building with pockets full of loose change. A surveillance camera picked up this photo of these two extremely dangerous individuals.While Limpert was in the bathroom, Magin attempted to disguise herself as an innocent, peace-loving tourist.
Fooled, for only a brief moment, government officials apprehended the two in the gift shop. Unfortunately, due to the recent repeal of the power to brutally torture people of random nationalities and men with beards, the US Anti-Terrorist Agency is forced to develop new, innovative methods for extracting information. Hoping to instill great fear within these two deviants, the interrogation was administered by a man in a gorilla suit.
"It was an extremely challenging situation... though Magin seemed to be mildly receptive to these scare tactics, Limpert thoroughly enjoyed the experience" officials said. Magin and Limpert were set free only because the government no longer has a formal location to detain innocent citizens. As punishment for wrongfully deceiving US intelligence, the two were sent home on a China Town Bus; a unique torture tactic that is still in question under the Obama administration.

GCI Visits Local Diner

Tucked away in the heart of the town of Penfield lies a quaint little eatery known by the townspeople as The Original Steve's Diner. You may be fooled by it's modest size, but it is a mecca to those who still believe in the power of a good, balanced, post-noon breakfast, and continue to adhere to the fleeting doctrine of Metro Mattress. Members of GCI are not unacquainted with the antiquated society of American bistros, and even consider themselves to be connoisseurs of this lasting tradition (having dined at some of Rochesters most notable local estabalishments). Still entangled in the lasting stupor of the night before, several cast members of GCI decided to put Original Steve to the test.

Upon arriving, GCI's keen eye for potential shed a single tear, finding an immediate challenge within it's gaze. "These Menu's look like they were drawn by four year olds" exclaimed GCI cast member TR. "Mine doesn't even say anything it is just a bunch of lines and crayon scribbles" declared Ted Limpert, disgusted. In fact, the menus had been drawn by 4 year olds. Perhaps hoping to muster some sense of communal pride, Original Steve had employed the tiny amateur-hands of local youth to create the menu covers for his professional business. A bold move by Original Steve. Although GCI applauded Steve's fearlessness, they knew that something had to be done.

A young waitress suggested a friendly contest to see who could draw better than a 4 year old and save Original Steve's from it's artistic folly... GCI accepted, knowing full well that this competition would be anything but friendly. What follows are the fruits of these men's labors.

Realizing that the victor of this rivalry is so blatant it hurts the eyes, it is unnecesary to try to describe his sassy, fantastical depiction of a pirate-egg riding a flying bacon-surfboard. However, the shortcomings of the defeated can easily be described. Nick DiCola's pleasant table-top smorgasbord is lacking one vital thing... plates, making it a repuslive, potentially germ-infested meal. TR does not know how to spell Diner. Michael Borden, an associate of GCI, captures man-made objects in a still life, a style of art that hasn't been popular since the middle ages. Lastly, Paul's depiction of Jamaican Coffee is painfully mediocre and mildly racist.

In the end, Ted Limpert's work of art destroyed and replaced the 4 year old's laughably-abstract, infantile attempt at expressionism. "I just wish he could be here to know what a real artist looks like... and so I could watch him cry" stated Limpert. Original Steve did not wish to release a statement. Another crisis overted with the help of GCI.

Make sure to visit The Original Steve's Diner, it is a fine estabalishment, now with a little piece of genius on one of it's menus.

How to Render Your Film Dated

Hey, John here. As you may be aware, we improviseres are a shiftelss lot (with the exception of TR). Our primary activities include napping, cat napping, and the consumption of media. One thing that the consuption of media encompasses, is watching movies. This leads me to the topic of today's post: how to render your film dated. As you make the movie that you no doubt have rattling around in your head, you must decide if you want to go for something timeless, or stamp it with a big ol' reference to when it was made. Sure it may keep you from making the next Casablanca, but everyone watching your movie will know "Emo was sure big when this thing was made.". Here are a few steps you can take to rub time funk all over your picture:

- Musical cues: Putting a big, current radio hit in your movie will make it connect with the kids...for about a month. Then some new God-awful song will come out and the hero of your movie now looks hopelessly out of date! You started out courting the coolness factor and ended up with "Whoop-Adams Family-There it is!!". Truth be told, dated music can work in your favor. Huey Lewis and the News knocked it out of the park in Back to the Future, perfectly capturing the 1985 setting. Generally speaking, though, keep to a quasi-generic score.

- Cutting edge technology: Watch a cheesy action flick from the early-mid 1980's. Ok, now look at the rich business man bad-guy. "Look how rich he is!! He has a phone right in his car!!!" In the late 80's and early 90's it was cell phones; and in the early 00's it was the current iphone. Look, whatever you put in there, it's gonna be passed up, and look like a freakin' joke in the future. Just use current technology and people won't judge.

- The newest video games: Ok, I love Jackie Chan. But if you've ever seen Rumble in the Bronx, there's a scene where a kid is playing a Sega Game Gear that clearly has no game in it. As amazing as this movie is, it's soo distracting to watch a kid clack an empty plastic box in his hands. Also, movies like Big, that show a computer game being played become a study in 8-bit disappointment when viewed next to today's video games.

These three methods of movie dating at one point came together in a perfect storm of "This is what's big today!!" in one movie. that movie is the 1989 Fred Savage vehicle:


The Wizard. This film had it all Ninja Gaiden footage, "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block, and the piece de resistance; the world debut of.....The Power Glove!!! (for those too young to remember it, the power glove was a nintendo controler, built right into a glove, that never worked.)

Use these tools and references wisely, and for God's sakes, keep the New Kids out of your movie.

John Zaffino and Ted Limpert declare their undying love for each other

When asked for comment, fellow GCI Cast Member Corinne Magin said "I just couldn't help but smile. To see two of my closest friends so happy made me happy too."

Top Ten Rochester GCI Hot Spots

With the Stalker show coming up this weekend, I was inspired to blog.

Ever think to yourselves "Gosh, I wonder what those crrrraaaazzzzyyy improv kids do in their off-time."?
I used to when I was a sweet young thing sitting in the next stage house, day dreaming about the cast....ooh, creepy? a little.
I used to think, "I bet they just live in the moment, plans are made out of thin air and they're magical, off the cuff, out of the ordinary! They're IMPROVISERS for God's sake!!!"


While it's true our plans are made last minute(more from faulty planning than spontaneity), we have a few favs. I've narrowed down our Top Ten Rochester Hot Spots in no particular order. These locals are clutch to downtown livin'.

Here's it goes:

1) Lux Lounge (Best <3)

2) South Wedge Diner (weekend Breakfast)

3) Acme (pizza and a brew)

4) Marks Texas Hots (late night)

5) The Little (shows off our sensitive/ intellectual side)

6) James Brown's Place (we really like Breakfast. I get the Dixie Plate)

7) Tap and Mallet (mouth watering food and drink)

8) 7-11 Meigs and Monroe (essential for energy drinks and snacks)

9) Public Market (our pseudo-bohemian side)

10) Jeremiah's (wings and beer)

Another craft night at Lux. Left, the handsome caricature Paul. Right, Me.

Paparazzi, we understand. It's a lifestyle we've chosen.

FACE-OFF THIS FRIDAY 10:30 PM

Will the mechanized undead have the programming to diffuse the ruthless incendiary comedy of the kamikaze, or will their hilarity short-circuit? Only one team will survive this theatrical duel...BE THERE to witness the heart-wrenching excitement first hand!

Warrior Children Rock Classic Song

In preparation for this inspiring performance of 'Eye of the Tiger', these kids were flown to the Siberian wilderness, where they were put through a grueling training regimen of carrying logs through the snow, doing inverted crunches while hanging from the rafters, and splitting timber with an axe. When they left America, there were enough kids to fill that auditorium. Watch the vid, and celebrate the brave, the few, the Survivors:

Water: A life source

Hello all, Nick here,

I have been ailing for the past few days with a terrible cough, fatigue, week joints, and a loss of appetite. So according to JZ's webmd and House medical philosophy, I could have anything from a common cold to Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis which is, as everyone knows, black lung disease. Regardless of what I may be afflicted with, I have kept one thing proudly by my side, a nice glass of water. For anyone who has ever gone out to eat with me they know how much of a fan of water i am, one waitress at the SouthWedge Diner knows to bring a large cup to the table when I com' a' eatin. But today I read the worst thing that could ever happen: 

"A British Woman must drink only diet coke, stay inside on rainy days, and avoid her 3-year-old son when he cries because she's developed an allergy to water. Michaela dutton, 21, breaks out in hives and blisters if she has any contact with water. 'I cannot do anything,' Dutton says. Her throat swells if she drinks anything but diet coke, and she must settle for one 30-second 

shower a week. Doctors have been unable to treat the condition, which afflicts one in 230 million people."

The poor woman has an allergy to water, to WATER. I read it in "The Week" so it was all in a blurb and it didnt say anything about her becoming allergic to herself. Or if she is the type of person has hasn't had a glass of water since she was twelve and all she has is diet coke. Imagine not being able to walk next to puddles for fear of a passing car, exercise, or eat soup. It is grim, but I am pretty sure I can rule this ailment out.

Bridging the Idiocy Gap

FROM THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Man pretending to fall off bridge actually falls
Published - Apr 23 2009 08:11PM EST

Police said a 23-year-old man is in stable condition after he pretended that he was falling off a bridge over the Minnesota River, then actually fell off the bridge. Police got a call just before 5 a.m. Sunday from a 21-year-old man who said his friend fell off the Highway 77 bridge and into a marshy area about 30 feet below.

The caller said he was driving north when his friend, who he said had been drinking, told him to pull into the bridge's emergency lane so he could urinate.

The 23-year-old stood eventually climbed to the ledge of the bridge, then looked at his friend and pretended to fall. "He then in fact fell," reads a press release from the Bloomingtin Police Department.

Police from Bloomington and Eagan responded, and the Eagan Fire Department used a chair lift to retrieve the man. He was transported to Hennepin County Medical Center where was treated.

We Were Young Once

An invaluable relic was found in GCI's official "vault of old stuff and things." This picture was taken around the time when current GCI members Ted Limpert and Paul Nellis first met back in the Spring of 2004. A time when both gentlemen attended the University of Rochester and joined forces to destroy the innocent in a production of Pterodactyls by Nicky Silver. A time when bushy side-burns and wife beaters were still out of style. A time when Paul and Ted were still unaware of how cool they really were, and what they would come to create in the future. A time when Paul wore a hat with a carrot on it... don't ask.

We also found this picture from around the same time. Paul always took spring cleaning extremley seriously.

GCI plan to film incoherent gorefest preempted by Japanese...

Geva Comedy Improv's hopes of producing the least-coherent horror movie ever made, tentatively titled 'Vacation Zombie Dance-Off', were today dashed by everyone's favorite celluloid extremists, the Japanese.

Said Prime Minister Taro Aso, "It sounded like GCI had a pretty sweet concept, marrying non-sequiters, slam-zooms and random cutaways with shocking violence and hideous overacting. However, the country that introduced the world to Urotsukidōji: Birth of the Overfiend couldn't let that pass. That's why our country is proud to stand behind 'Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl'. It's pretty special."

To produce the flick, Aso teamed with maniac director Yoshihiro Nishimura, the borderline psychopath behind the ludicrously inappropriate children's movie, Tokyo Gore Police.

Geva Comedy Improv spokesperson Chris Holden released this statement: "Naturally, when people think of nightmarish bloodshed and baffling plot-twists, they think of GCI. We really thought we had this locked up. I think our biggest mistake in pre-production was attempting some modicum of character development. We should have stuck to what we know."

A trailer for 'Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl' is below. It is not suitable for the fainthearted, or anyone who demands a narrative arc in their cinema.

I'm sick of these mother******* snakes on this mother******* plane!

From MSNBC

April 16, 2009
"MELBOURNE, Australia - Four baby pythons escaped from a container aboard a passenger plane in Australia, leading to a search that forced the cancellation of two flights, the airline said Thursday.Twelve non-venomous Smitten pythons were being transported Tuesday on a flight from Alice Springs to Melbourne in the plane's cargo area in a bag inside a plastic foam box with air holes.



When the flight landed, it was discovered that four snakes had escaped from the package, a Qantas spokeswoman said in a statement. A reptile expert searched for the 6-inch-long snakes but did not find them. It was not known if the snakes were still on the plane or if they had somehow escaped outside after the plane landed. In the meantime, the plane missed two flights it had been scheduled to fly and the passengers were transferred to other flights. When the snakes were not found, the airplane was fumigated and it returned to service on Wednesday. pythons, which can grow up to three feet long, live in western and central Australia and are not an endangered species."

This breaks my freaking heart.

This is apparently from a longer documentary you can see on Animal Planet. Kudos to whoever set it to Aerosmith!

GCI Makes Dreams Come True

Move over Make-A-Wish Foundation, get a life Disney World, GCI is in town and open for business (a business built on hopes and dreams). Young Michael Borden, a resident of Syracuse NY, had a simple wish to spend some quality time with GCI before he departs this cruel world. Well Mike Borden, why wait? It is true that this man was not suffering from any terminal illnesses, but upon closer inspection it became evident that Borden had a fever in his heart muscle, and the only perscription was more GCI. Miracles of kindness do happen, and we have the pictures to prove it! Notice the perfectly crafted smiles on GCI members Corinne, Nick, and TR, and the real, genuine smile on Borden's face (center). By placing this youthful dreamer in the center of the picture GCI made him feel as though the world revolved around him, and you know what, maybe for that one single moment it really did. Ted Limpert was the official photographer for the afternoon. Limpert refused to comment on why he was not asked to be included in the original photo, but it seems that the candid snapshot below pretty much speaks for itself.

Other members of GCI refused to be associated with this charitable event at all. GCI is what dreams are made of...

JZ's Body Apparently Rejecting His Left Arm.

Hey everybody, John here. Are you at all familiar with the term Golfer's Elbow? Neither was I until this past week. I learned about it recenlty when I came down with a case of it. As with any ailments I get, I can only assume that I have whatever the internet tells me I have. My personal health plan consists of Web MD and having watched a couple episodes of House. The best I can figure, there's a small tear in my tendon or ligament that causes light, random pain in the lower part of my left arm. That, or I've made some gypsy mad enough to cast a very weak curse on me.

Turns out you don't even need to play golf to get it, which begs the question: Why, then, call it Golfer's Elbow? Why name your injury after a sport that's less exciting than CSPAN2? It should be called Gladiator's Elbow!, or vigilante-tendonitis. Hell, even Bend-o-hurt sounds better than golfers elbow. Golfer's elbow sounds like a rash you get from an argyle sweater...

...If anyone needs me, I'll be icing my Gladiator's Elbow...

So what does one do with a blog? What do I write? Just tell folks about little tidbits in my life? Ok then, I'll let you in to the VIP Liam Scahill Show and share what I did tonight....I had some milk and cookies. They appear to be Oreos, but upon closer inspection the are Wegman's version called "W-o's!" or as I like to call them "Woes!" I imagine they are Joey Lawerence's favorite cookie.




Now many people have specific ways to eat an Oreo. I myself like the twist, lick, and eat approach, then fitting in a milk dunk with no twist every third Oreo. Sounds complicated, but I have sligh OCD. With this OCD comes disappointment and sadness when the twist is not perfect.

But either way it tastes oh so good. Watch for the next post when I'll discuss Chips A'hoy: Chunky vs. Chewey.

Is that a tastey monacle or a delicious eye patch?

Interactive Theater (The Unplanned Kind)

Saw this article from the NY Times...hilarious...

Compiled by STEVEN McELROY

Published: April 5, 2009

A spokesman for the Broadway production of Neil LaBute’s “reasons to be pretty” said Sunday that the show’s producers had beefed up the security detail at the Lyceum Theater following an incident at the Saturday evening performance. During the first act the character played by Marin Ireland lights into her ex-boyfriend, played by Thomas Sadoski, with a litany of all the things she believes are wrong with him. A male audience member must have found something a bit too personal in the verbal assault because he stood, called her a bitch twice, said a few other things that cannot be printed, and stormed out of the theater. For those in attendance: No, it was not part of the show.