Unemployment already way boring

While having to work all summer isn't always the most fun way to spend July and August, it's far more soul-crushing to have to spend that time looking for a job. A victim of nationwide lay-offs and spending cutbacks, Paul Nellis launched full-force into a job search today. It was, however, not very exciting. "I wish I just had something to do, instead of having to look for something to do," Nellis stated candidly. "Sure I could play video games, but it would be great if I could afford to buy some new ones," he complained. Nellis then spent the rest of the day, wondering when everyone else would get out of work, and if any of them wanted to get a drink.

"They're not quite out of the woods yet."

RE-INTEGRATION INTO SOCIETY SLOW GOING FOR RECENTLY RESCUED COMEDIANS














GCI PRESS
(Rochester, NY) Having been recently liberated from a secret underground tunnel complex where they were held hostage for several weeks by a rogue rebel faction, members of the little-known regional Improv Comedy troupe Geva Comedy Improv have exhibited a reluctance to communicate, a general fear of the sun and other bright lights, and a strong aversion to human interaction. Such feelings of distrust and paranoia are not uncommon amongst newly freed hostages and it is likely that the worst of their ordeal may yet lie ahead.

"They're not quite out of the woods yet", Explains notable psychologist Dr. Edward Newscomb.

"They have mentally reverted to a previous state wherein they have come to rely upon isolation as a means of protection. The underground tunnel system in which they were held captive was very womb-like and ironically, sudden removal from that enviroment can cause a severe retrograde amnesiac state. That is to say, they are unable to recall any memory of their lives before they went into that tunnel, our world, and the world that they once exisited in has become completely and utterly alien."

Although the prognosis for a full and complete recovery is uncertain, Dr. Newscomb is certain of one thing:

"Those poor bastards are in for one hell of a long adjustment and adaptation period that may span tens of years before they will ever be able to live any kind of a normal life...then again, none of them really lived normal lives to begin with, so that's at least one positive."

Troupe Rescued from Jungle Prison

Famously sexy comedy act 'Geva Comedy Improv' was today liberated from the jungle tunnel complex where it had been held against its will by rebels. Now free, troupe members vowed to resume their blogging, which had been limited by the incarceration. Said GCI spokesman Chris Holden, "I guess being held hostage by fearsome jungle men in a cramped subterranean grotto wasn't all bad. Ted married the rebel leader, and they taught me Five Card Stud. But all things considered, it's good to be free." The rebels, who were mostly slaughtered by US Special Forces in a bloody 12 minute firefight remained optimistic that GCI would one day be recaptured. "Being shot to death by government troops sort of comes with the territory", said one rebel. "I don't blame them. But those comedians shall taste of my blade if they fall once more into the hands of the Seneca Park Snake Warriors."

T.R. UNEXPECTEDLY RECEIVES FREE DONUT, LATER DISCOVERS WHY

I began my day this morning as I often do - tired and in need of my requisite gallon of coffee. Ordinarily, I self-brew (French Roast) and begin my caffeine intake whilst in the shower (you should try this, it ranks just under a very cold beer in the hierarchy of beverages that I like to enjoy while standing under steaming hot running water...for obvious reasons the former is best suited for mornings and the latter for pre-night-on-the-town rituals).

Groggy and faced with the realization that I had previously committed to an 8 O'Clock AM meeting, I quickly assessed that I lacked the nominal motivation required to fetch a fresh coffee filter, scoop an appropriate measurement of black crystalline deliciousness and facilitate a transference of H20 and thereby made the decision to stop by Dunkin' Donuts on my way to the meeting.

I quickly scrubbed, shined and polished myself, grabbed the necessary meeting support materials and found myself moments later standing in a rather long line at D & D. Things were slow going, and the line was considerably longer than usual at this time of day...an unidentified gentlemen two places ahead of me in line (presumably after making a quick time cost-benefit analysis) wavered, abandoned his post and fled sans product(s). I glanced at my watch...thinking about the viability of following suit in a shameful caffeine-less retreat...I held my position. As I would later learn, Fortune would soon smile down upon me for my perserverance.

As I reached the front of the line I barked forth my order (Medium Hazelnut, cream and sugar) while the gentlemen next to me was offered a free donut by another D&D employee. He was confused at first, and about to refuse the offer (a result of being hardened by years of fast-food "would you like to try our super special double hammy-wham sammy roll-up" promotional salesmanship lingo no doubt), but quickly came to his senses when "FREE" fully permeated his cerebral cortex.

SWEET. I knew exactly what to expect next. Like an obese diabetic toddler whose chubby knees kant inward creating an isosceles triangle with his shins (Figure 1A),I excitedly proclaimed my donut selection before the D&D employee could finish the query:

"Blueberry Cake Please!"

FIGURE 1A - Obese toddler with isosceles triangle shins

BAM! The words hit her ears with the sharp clarity of a throwing star from a breakfast ninja who just landed a preemptive strike. My early morning laziness had yielded a delicious confectionary treat. Victory was mine!

Victory was also that other guy's...and everyone else in D&D. It turns out, Victory can also be yours too.

I later learned through the power of THE INTERNETS that today, JUNE 5, 2009 is NATIONAL DONUT DAY and Dunkin Donuts is giving away a free donut with the purchase of any beverage.

Go Forth my friends - go forth and claim that which is yours - while supplies last...

For the Apologies... A Lady

It's too late for you, apologies. Your days are numbered. The damage has been done, so I guess you should be leaving. You're not welcome in this town anymore. "Stuff it, terd nugget" is the new "Oh, I'm sorry." "Move it or lose it, pipe dreams" is the new "pardon me." We live in an age of hyper-confidence and ill-mannered barbarianism, a return to the natural order... For all you apologies still out there, looming in a pool of self-doubt and apprehension, I present to you a lady who never apologizes.

That's right, the goddess of "you get what you deserve" herself, Lady 'muther effin' Justice! Blind as a bat, but hard as a brick shit house. And if you still don't get the picture, here is a series of ladies who also never see fit to vindicate their actions.

And lastly, apologies, lay your feeble lamentations on this limit-less, red-bearded SOB. Sure he may not be a lady, but he likes his apologies like he likes his coffee... cold.

McGurskey! Coming soon to a nextstage near YOU! July 2009.

For the Ladies - An Apology

Chris here. Just an addendum to Corinne's post, below, regarding Scene For The Ladies. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to any ladies in the crowd who felt that our scene didn't really seem like it was, in fact, 'for them'. John and I evidently have little-to-no understanding of feminine desire, which is all the more tragic considering that I am married and John is engaged. Props to our respective partners for keeping our bumbling, homoerotic ravings off the streets. In your honor, ladies, I thus submit another music video by Mr. Billy Squire - a man who is so 'for the ladies', it makes me weep to live in his shadow. Again, sorry.

For The Ladies

This goes out to all the ladies,

John and Chris did a, well, jaw dropping scene "For the ladies" on Friday night during our Catch 23 show. It involved extreme muscle flexing and the "manliest" uncorking of a champagne bottle I've ever seen. If you were there to witness the action for yourself and it left you thirsting for more, do I have a cure for you. If you missed out, then this is a fair representation of the masculinity portrayed on stage.

Remember about a month ago I posted that video of Lee Hyo-ri, music sensation, queen of Korean Pop? Well, I found the Korean boy band equivalent. Apparently, Korea never grew old of formulaic pop groups like we did in America.

So here's a video that will knock your socks off. A group called SHINee. It's juicy, and definitely dreamed up "For the Ladies" Enjoy!